It’s recently come to our attention — and if you’ve been reading the section over the past few weeks you’ll have noticed — that at some point we’ll have to answer that nasty question: “what do you want to be when you grow up?” We think a better question is: “who do you want to be when you grow up?” Or anyway, whose persona you’d like to have. Here are our answers. Andrew would like to be Michael Jackson (minus deformative plastic surgery), and Erica wants to be Harvey Keitel (but not in the showing one’s ass to every camera way). Why, you ask (if you haven’t already backed away in horror)? Easy.
Andrew: 1. I’d finally know how to do the moonwalk. 2. I’d own a monkey. 3. I was the shit from my boyhood to teen years. 4. With the proper counseling at an early age, I could turn into a pretty well adjusted pop idol … did I mention that I’m rich?
Erica: Because Robert fucking DeNiro was scared of him in Mean Streets. Because he doesn’t have to try to be cool and imposing, he just is. Because his voice is a map of Brooklyn. Because courtly and vicious is the best combination ever. But mostly because he got to spend all of Reservoir Dogs holding and petting a bloody Tim Roth.
OK, the next time we promise ourselves not to write this after midnight, we’ll actually heed our own advice, we swear.
Archived article by Erica Stein