November 6, 2003

Viewer Discretion Advised

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The Matrix: Revolutions came out yesterday, whether you like it or not. You might have thought, “Screw it, that last one blew.” Or, you might have been like me, having bought your tickets on Monday in anticipation of seeing this movie on the day it came out. Either way, you must have some opinion about the movie, and the star, Keanu Reeves. Yeah, it’s true, he’s not exactly someone who’ll blow your mind with his amazingly deep and riveting performances, but there’s just something about watching that blank and expressionless face that gets me every time. So, if you’re looking to supplement your knowledge of Keanu’s non-Matrix, non-action movies, here’s a quick rundown of some flicks sure to meet that demand.


A great movie all around, and one in which Keanu really shines as slightly inept Tod Hawkes, a kid just trying to find happiness and love like everyone else. Not only do you get to see all the different varieties of neurotics that make up various families, you also get a great ’80’s movie. Man, do I ever love those. Doesn’t it just make you feel cool watching kids running around with crappy, out of date clothes and bad hair? Anyway, this is a great film. I’ll never forget Keanu’s line near the end of the film where he’s discussing parenting with Dianne Wiest (Helen Buckman Lampkin Bowman). He says “You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car — hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.” Turn to Parenthood if the thought of going home for Thanksgiving is making you quake in your boots: your family can’t possibly be this bad, can it?

Bram Stoker’s Dracula

First of all, just ignore Winona Ryder, and the movie will be so much better. Keanu tackles yet another challenging role of a slightly inept fianc