December 4, 2003


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Jackson’s War

Last Tuesday 70 investigators swarmed Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch, resulting in child molestation charges against the entertainer. This is the second time that Jackson has been accused of molestation. The first case, investigated in 1993-4, resulted in no criminal charges but yielded a reported $15 million — $20 million payout to the alleged victim. The singer, 45, facing several molestation counts and awaiting a January 9 arraignment, is seeking refuge in the Las Vegas-area at an “undisclosed location.” Jackson arrived at this location on Thursday night after a day of fingerprints, mugshots, and handcuffing at the Santa Barbara County Sheriff’s Department in California. Jackson is keeping silent, but his brother Jermaine Jackson told Barbara Walters in his interview on 20/20 that the family is “ready for war.” “If you handcuff my brother you handcuff the whole family,” Jermaine Jackson said. “We’re getting together with our generals, our troops, and we’re going to mobilize and fight.” While Jackson is reportedly with his family, Santa Barbara authorities have been asked to remove the singer’s two sons and daughter from his care. Celebrities have been voicing their support for Jackson since Tuesday and fans have also been rallying for him on the internet, on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, at the Neverland Ranch, and in New York.

Henry Bates and the Sorcerer’s Balls

MGM has just signed on to produce an Airplane!-like spoof on the Harry Potter movies and Lord of the Rings trilogy that will combine the two franchises to make Henry Bates and the Sorcerer’s Balls. Written by David Margasen, James R. Stein, and Timothy Stack, the film will follow the character of Henry Bates, who is on a quest to reclaim his kingdom, Middlefinger. The good wizard Gandolfini will battle the evil wizard Enron. The young Bates attends a school called St. Buggerers Academy for Boys and One Girl, and on his quest for his kingdom runs into many varieties of people, including wizards, warriors, and a race of people called Bobbits, who have been placed under an evil sexual spell. The movie is set to start filming sometime next year.

Eminem Accused Again

Eminem has been accused of racism. Which is a really big surprise. Raymond “Benzino” Scott and David Mayes, founders of The Source hip-hop magazine held a press conference two weeks ago at which they revealed a recorded clip of Eminem freestyling an offensive lyric in the early 1990’s. “The tape contains what is clearly identifiable as Eminem’s voice reciting racial slurs targeted against black women,” read a statement released by The Source. The magazine has lead an ongoing effort to expose influences corrupting hip-hop, including racism. Eminem expressed regret over the clip’s inflammatory language but noted that this altercation was started because of the long-standing conflict that has existed between himself and Benzino. Eminem told the press that the song was something that he wrote out of anger and frustration when he was a teenager. He had just broken up with his girlfriend, who was African American, and he reacted like an “angry, stupid kid.” Eminem and his supporters claim that Benzino is creating the controversy in order to increase his own fame as a rapper.

Stewie Returns

FOX networks are discussing reinstating the series Family Guy after canceling it 18 months ago. As many as 35 new episodes could premiere in January 2005, according to FOX. The move would mark the first time that a cancelled series has been reinstated based on DVD sales and syndication ratings.

Archived article by Amanda Hodes