As our faithful readers may have noticed with much dismay last week, we did not publish. We assure you, this was not some abstract statement on the nature of textual existence and authority, but a total accident. Alex left town for Kentucky to marry his 14-year-old internet mistress (gender still open to debate) and Zach landed himself in rehab for an addiction to opium. Don’t worry, withdrawal wasn’t that bad. As he says, “Methadone is for pussies!”
Consequently, the positive response and general support for our non-issue has been overwhelming. One John Mitchell writes, “Wow, last week was your best issue yet. Keep up the good work and don’t publish!” Karen Muloney echoed the enthusiasm for our absence of print, rejoicing, “Not having to read daze last week was a liberating experience. It has opened up my eyes to the hope that great journalism will someday prevail. Thanks, Alex and Zach!” Even our Editor-in-Chief, the ever magnanimous Andy Guess, offered his support, posting on the Sun listserve, “Everyone note the rare achievement by Alex and Zach this week. They didn’t publish, and the issue was breathtaking, thus showing to us that if they died, daze would be in fantastic shape.”
Andy has even suggested awarding us the “Most Inconsequential and Uneducated Staff Members” award. But we aren’t in this for the glory. It’s our passion for disappointing our readership weekly that keeps us chugging down here.
Archived article by Alex Linhardt and Zach Jones