October 7, 2004

Finger Lake'n Good

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Buns. Nowadays, one cannot move through this world without a good pair of buns. They are nothing less than pivotal to a person’s success. As Cornellians, we must put a good amount of effort into the maintenance of our buns. Hard work, determination and a positive mindset are the crucial components of a good recipe for successful buns. Mistreat your buns and your’d better run for the hills, ’cause no one’s coming to help you. Here’s another fact: girls like guys with not only skills (bow hunting, computer hacking, etc.), but with awesome buns. Recent opinion polls of Cornell professors said that nearly 23 percent of them prefer students with good buns to those with buns of a lesser quality. In the upcoming Presidential election, it’s most likely that the man (or woman, sorry) in office will have a sweet set of buns. The numbers don’t lie and are quite telling. For a long time, my buns were not up to par, either. I worked and worked to achieve my goal, but to no avail. Life had no meaning — my only hope was that one day, my buns would become the buns that I wanted them to be. Nothing changed for a while, until one unusually crappy day on campus, I began to waft a smoky smell towards my nose. As I approached Day Hall to heckle one of the tour groups, I found the source of that hypnotic aroma — the Day Hall Hotdog Cart. The answer to my bun affliction was right smack in the middle of campus. What good are empty buns? I was so na