October 27, 2004

Boras Finds Ways To Get Paid

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It was a Wednesday night, yet there we were, popping Champagne. It was incredible to us that the Red Sox had just pulled off the best comeback in Major League Baseball history, and even more so that it was done against the Yankees. Needless to say, with the Sox positioned like they are against the Cards (and being up in the series), it’s been a great week around my house.

But like all silver-lined skies, problems are brewing off the horizon. In the next few weeks, one man will do everything in his power to ruin professional baseball as we know it. He’ll nag free agents, luring them away from their happy homes and current teammates with the promises of money. He’s the pied piper of the sport, and if he could do it with A-Rod, he’ll probably do it to some of the other outstanding talents in the game, too.

In short, Scott Boras is a dick.

That’s right. The worst man in professional baseball isn’t George Steinbrenner with his millions, or even Peter Angelos with his obscene threats to block the Senators’ homecoming.

It’s Scott Boras. He’s like the skanky ex-girlfriend that ruins your perfectly good relationship with the blonde who teaches Sunday school, all because of fake promises and empty money. It’s going to happen with the Red Sox. They’re going to have to choose between paying Pedro, and Lowe — one of Boras’s free agent delights. They’re going to have to pick between Varitek (current Boras client), and everyone’s favorite 12-year-old shortstop, Orlando Cabrera (another Boras client). They’re going to have to do it because there’s only so much money in the pot, and one agent … er, player I mean, can’t grab all of it. It’s like blowing all your money on surround sound speakers, and not having anything left to buy a TV. It’s just not a feasible practice if you want a competitive team.

And there are other Boras clients who are going to have to make tough choices this off-season, too. J.D. Drew and Atlanta needed each other this season. Drew drove in the runs, and Atlanta offered him a place to stay healthy for a year. Mags in Chicago next year? Forget about it, he already turned down a $70-million extension. Beltre in LA? Have they been spending for anyone? Millwood in Philly? They don’t have the money Boras wants either. And that’s what it comes down to, how much Scott Boras wants. That’s why players such as Barry Bonds, Gary Sheffield and Miguel Cabrera left the Boras Corp. They wanted to do what was best for them, and their families, not their agent.

(A-Rod … you’re going to NYC … I’ll make you the highest paid … er, best shortstop ever.) And we know how that turned out. A-Rod cashed in his MVP season for a chance at a championship, worse though, he also cashed in his legacy. People will remember Cal Ripken more for his prowess at shortstop than his third base seasons because that’s where he hit his prime. What did A-Rod do in his prime? Give up playing shortstop for money? Sink his batting average with runners in scoring position? Pick a fight with Jason Varitek? Mug Bronson Arroyo in what might have been the dirtiest play in postseason history?

And now Boras wants to do it all again with Carlos Beltran. Baby Bonds, as he’s been called, will most likely end up in pinstripes, particularly after his epic postseason play with Houston.

Sure, sure, Houston’s management says it wants to keep him, but how can they compete with $120 million over seven years? How can they compete with the pied piper leaning into his ear…

(Carlos … go to NYC … I’ll turn you into the next A-Rod …)

There he goes, ruining baseball again.

Matt Janiga is a Sun Staff Writer. No. 12 Bus will appear every other Wednesday this semester.

Archived article by Matt Janiga