November 11, 2004

Campus Couture

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If you live in Collegetown, chances are you’ve seen it all: stained mattresses, leaky roofs, overflowing garbage cans, unexpected “pets.” Basically, you’re living in filth. And paying upwards of $600 for that privilege. Maybe you’ve gotten used to living amongst a sea of beer cans, but when you’re bringing a visitor to your place, the mildew that has collected on the couch becomes a lot more obvious. Inviting the crew from Trading Spaces to your apartment might be a bit drastic, and that’s why we’re here to help. So why not invest in some roomwares that’ll bump up your decor from totally heinous to totally happenin’.


Your bed is where you sleep at night, take naps when you’re trying to do your bio reading and most importantly, hook up. Like bees to honey, the guys will flock to your bed to, um … study! And, with bedding like this, you’ll never want to get out. But were you really going to get up for that 11:15 anyways?


Now that they finally caught the creeper, curtains are not the important necessity they have been in recent months. Still, you never know when your neighbor might be trying to sneak a peek at your … fabulous new bed! And besides, they’re just pretty. So get them, and you can sleep in peace knowing that the guy hiding in your bushes won’t see a thing.


Like Austin Powers? Then you’ll love this lamp! It’s so very “Shagadelic,” that it’ll attract even more guys to your bed! (Wow, clearly we have not been getting enough sex.) Just make sure you hang it up where they can see it. Then, host your very own ’70s-style disco on your new bed!


When you’re spending an average of $800 on books each semester, why should you scrimp on a place to store them? Even if you never open them, they’ll look so nice and organized on your shelf! It might even take the sting out of selling your books back at the end of the semester for a mere fraction of what you paid for them. Besides, what’s another hundred anyway when you’ve already signed your soul to the bursar?


We know you don’t have a good relationship with your digital clock. We don’t either. You hate when it rouses you out of bed for class after a hard night of drinking. In turn, it hates you for pounding on it mercilessly trying to hit the snooze button. So why not treat yourself to something that’s too far away to pound? Besides, with these legs, you won’t even need the lamp to attract the boys. And think what that’ll do to your sex life.

Archived article by Wendi Kane and Katie Azzaro
Sun Staff Writers