Still wearing the cologne you got as a birthday present from your high-school girlfriend? Can’t bring yourself to lose your mom’s old collection of classic Chanel? Then you need a fragrance makeover! Fortunately for you, we’ve got a great sense of smell — and an entire column this week to prove it. So worry not about offensive body odor; we have the solution for all your fragrance needs!
Cocktail Party to Go
You’re going to smell like booze anyway after some fool trying to balance six drinks dumps a keg-cup of beer down your back. So why not go the classy route with this set of three scents, perfect for the borderline alcoholic. Gin and Tonic is perfect for a fancy dinner date, Sex on the Beach for a wild night in Cancun over spring break, and Fuzzy Navel for … well, we’ll leave the creative parts up to you.
To be honest, we haven’t smelled this new fragrance yet, but who cares? It’s made by Britney Spears! Besides, those commercials are hot. And if wearing Curious helps you land a desirable (ahem) guy like Kevin what’s-his-name … then, well, do you really need any more reason to buy it?
What guy doesn’t love that gas-guzzling monstrosity tearing up the road? If nothing else, the bottle will look so cool sitting on your dresser. And (tee-hee) we love the thought of a guy wearing a cologne called Hummer. It may even convince us to, um, give you one.
According to the fragrance description, Reiki Masters Tony and Tina have personally infused Vibrational Remedy with quartz crystals that radiate healing Reiki energy. The instructions say that the wearer should “hold the bottle in her hand and instruct the energy how best to serve her body and spirit at that moment in time.” We’re a bit skeptical, but if its so-called “healing power” helps us get over that hangover by noon on Sunday just in time to study for Monday’s prelim, then it’s worth it.
Now here is something we’ve definitely never seen before — fragrance for your belly button. We have a few problems with this. First of all, who actually smells your belly button? Personally, if some random guy were sniffing around in our navels, we’d probably slap him. Anyone that close to our midriffs better have a damn good reason. And a little blue box from Tiffany’s.
Scentarettes Nicotine addicts, pay attention! There’s now a new way to enjoy your life-threatening habit! If “bumming a ciggie” off your friend has become a daily activity, then this fragrance is for you. Not only would these little vials look too cute on your dresser, they are tobacco-free. And, all kidding aside, there’s no need to decrease your life span even more. You have your finals for that.
Archived article by Wendi Kane and Katie Azzaro
Sun Staff Writers