November 22, 2004

The Spongebob Squarepants Movie

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I must confess that I don’t watch the TV version of Spongebob Squarepants. Nothing against the yellow, bulgy-eyed bastard; it’s just I basically don’t watch any television show that isn’t SportsCenter, The OC or Skinemax. But I haven’t put out a review in close to a month and when offered the chance to see this dude on the big screen, well I took it.

So apparently, Spongebob works at a burger joint underwater in Bikiniville or Bikini Land or something. The point is there were no girls in bikinis there so I want to sue the creators of the film for false advertisement. But what Bikini Town does have is Spongebob’s hilarious starfish friend, Patrick, by far the highlight of this film.

For not being a Pixaresque animated film in terms of having advanced technology or possessing a unique plot that happens to appeal to all ages, Spongebob held his own for 90 minutes. This is a movie that, if you’re neither seven nor a huge fan of the series, is simply best viewed on a Saturday night right between pre-gaming and going to the bars. Weed and/or intravenous narcotics could help as well.

Sitting in a theater on a Sunday evening still recovering from the weekend, surrounded by dozens of little fuckers screaming each hero’s name a dozen times before their parents realized they hadn’t given them their Flintstones pill … well, perhaps it just wasn’t the right environment.

Albeit, there aren’t many successes in a genre that brings animated television shows to the big screen (although there was a preview for the live adaptation of Fat Albert!), Spongebob comes directly from the creators of Rocko’s Modern Life — which was by far the best show to ever come out of Nickelodeon since Salute Your Shorts.

The humor of Spongebob is comparable to Rocko. The only scene in the entire movie when the humor went dry was when the characters actually left the sea and went on land. I know, I’m a pun-y one. I’ve been told by an accompanying friend that while the movie’s pretty good, the show is a lot better. I could see it. And I could see myself watching Spongebob someday. But for now, it’s going to remain sports, Seth, summer and sex.

Archived article by Dan Cohen
Sun Staff Writer