January 26, 2005

The A.B.C. Guide to Style

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Clarks Wallabee Boots

Ever wonder why Ghostface Killah of Wu-Tang Clan and geriatric men waiting for price checks on hemorrhoid cream both rock this boot? It’s because they’re the most comfortable piece of footgear ever put on this planet, my ignorant friend. Originally designed with two eyeholes for lacing, this shoe is so loose and chill that even laces can’t choke your style. The crazy rubber compound sole makes walking around your local podiatric shoe store feel like wearing marshmallow bags for kicks. For acceptance in Staten Isle, rock the chocolate-colored ones.

Nike Air Jordan VI

If you didn’t have this shoe back in elementary school, your parents didn’t love you or didn’t have $100 to drop on your ankle-biting behind. As any sneaker fiend will tell you, these were the best Jordans ever crafted.

Not only did they feature the super slick “double hole” rubber tongue to show everyone you meant business in the playground, these sneakers were also the first Nikes to ever have clear rubber soles. This pair of kicks was the reason why prep school kids got jumped for their gym bags near subway entrances. Bic Cristal Ballpoint Pen

Some ballpoint pens were better made then others. This was one of them. Originally designed as a way to easily sort through pens by the color of their ink, the clear “Cristal” case was the first ballpoint to display how much ink was left (preventing panic attacks during blue book final exams).

Not only was this pen a great visual indicator of ink-life, the “Cristal” housing created one of the most rigid disposable pens on the market. Finally, inmates could tattoo themselves using the metal ballpoint insert and then smear the ink by dripping it from the clear case, while school children shot spitballs across elementary classrooms using spiral notebook paper fringe. If you’ve never broken a tooth chewing on one of these bad boys or haven’t attempted to pop one apart, you’re not American.

Eugene McDaniels — Headless Heroes of the Apocalypse

Without a doubt, the most sampled and abused album in hip-hop history. From the Beastie Boys’ Paul’s Boutique to A Tribe Called Quest’s The Low End Theory, you’ve probably heard the proverbs of the Left Reverend McD. Released in 1971 under Atlantic Records, Headless never received the critical acclaim it deserved due to its angry lyrical messages and experimental soul rhythms. McDaniels currently resides in Maine, but his work is without a doubt hidden somewhere on your playlist.

Archived article by Ari Cantor
Sun Contributor