February 10, 2005

Campus Couture

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Love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Some of you will be spending the 14th in the arms of that special someone; the rest of us will be curled up with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a box of tissues, watching Titanic alone. Luckily, we’ve put together a variety of V-day treasures for those of you who are hopelessly in love and for those of you who are just hopeless.

Love Sucks Tee

We’re not going to lie, we’re a little fed up in the love department. If you share our feelings of resentment for this most romantic of days, this shirt is the perfect way to show it. Through broken dates, broken rackets, and broken hearts, love really DOES suck.

Camisole & Panties

Ok, we’ll admit that love doesn’t suck when you’re in it. Since your man splurged on dinner and a sweet gift (he did, didn’t he?) why not spoil him with this cute cami set? He loves you even in your Cornell sweats, but this will turn him on and guarantee a second (and third?) round of dessert.

Strip for Your Man Kit

Don’t just “Stand By Your Man,” strip for your man with this titillating kit. If you’re willing to take a step beyond cute sleepwear, you and your guy could have an especially wild night. He wants you — naked. If the kit works as advertised, it will “reveal the dirty girl in any girl, no matter how pent-up or pristine.” Now all you have to do is pick a song.

Balls Tee

Balls … hey boys, do you have them or not? If not, grow some and ask out that cute girl you’ve lusted after since freshmen year. You may be having fun as the big single stud, but she’s not going to be waiting for you forever. If you don’t make your move soon, that hot athlete in her bio lab is going to sweep her off her feet. And then, let’s face it — you don’t have a chance.

All Over Hearts Boxers

For most of you Cornell boys, your greatest love is between your legs — why not cover it with hearts? Unfortunately, self-love can only get you so far. It’s a good thing that these boxers will take you a little farther with the ladies. Any girl lucky enough to get a peek will think you’re showing off your softer side this Valentine’s Day, but we know what’s really number one in your heart.

Golden Romeo Teddy Bear

Chocolate, flowers, jewelry. Yeah, they’re nice, but why not do something a little more unique? You can record a special message to your sweetie that plays whenever she gives the bear a hug. Whether you’re near or far, she’ll be able to hear your voice every night before she drifts off to sleep. Aw, how cute … now please excuse us while we vomit.

Archived article by Katie Azzaro and Jessica Karp