March 15, 2005

What's in a Name?

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Eager to retired “Logan’s Corner,” formerly my column name (and a joke that was played out) behind, I started this week deternmined to come up with something better. So, I began where any good college student would: Google. Apparently, besides being the name of an airport (Logan Airport in Boston) there are over 10,000 things that have to do with my name: an Absinth producer, an indie-rock band who’s website has a “Loganarium” (whatever that means), the name of Mary-Anne’s boyfriend in The Baby-Sitter’s Club, an X-Men character and even a town in Utah with its own Logan Daily News (I know you’re interested). All good, but a column name I did not find.

Later in the week, still no good column name in sight, I was flipping through the channels when I came across one in a recent string of bad Jennifer Love Hewitt movies. Sure, she was good on Party of Five and was even tolerable in I Know What You Did Last Summer when horror movies were the it-thing, but I think at this point I think even she knows she sucks. Love, as I remember she used to be called, played the lead in Confessions of A Sociopathic Social Climber, a Oxygen network movie with the plot sophistication of porn (and enough shots of Love’s chest area to be considered in that category). The real tragedy was that Joey Lawrence, another former sitcom star played Love’s gay best friend.

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Joey Lawrence came to Teen-Beat fame on the 90s sitcom Blossom with his signature brows, coif and the word “Whoa!” Now, he’s playing a gay social climber with no hair and a bad fake tan. (Though the eyebrows are the same.) Sitcoms of the early 90s have a place in my heart; they were the shows of my youth (when I actually read The Babysitter’s Club series). The theme songs to shows like The Wonder Years, Charles in Charge, and 90210 still ring in my ears. So, of course, I am sad to see that many of these actors have not lived up to the names they made for themselves on these series. I hate to say it, but where are these actors now? Where is Scott Baio? Or Fred Savage? Joey Their names remain in our hearts and heads, but their resumes are not what they used to be. One might even say that it’s their names that hold them back. We as viewers want to remember them they way they were, not the way they are, and watching them play regrettable roles breaks my heart.

Fortunately, I can catch J Love and the others in all their glory thanks to the DVDs. Shows like Full House and Alf are sitting on the shelves of your local video store. There’s something about watching these sitcoms that brings me right back to my after school snacks. Kevin Arnold said it best: “The thing is, after all these years, I still look back … with wonder.” Naturally my life will not be complete until The Wonder Years and 90210 come out on DVD and are given their credit.

In the end, the column name that won out is “Inner Mono-Log” (Log being my nickname … its a thinker). Hey, it’s better than “Logan’s Corner,” and if I’ve learned anything from Joey Lawrence, it’s I better use my name wisely if I’m going to be forever associated with it.

Archived article by Logan Bromer