March 17, 2005

Why Even Bother?

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Jennifer Lopez’s latest opus, Rebirth, leads listeners to one essential question: What exactly does J-Lo want to be reborn as? A has been?

Blame it on the boyfriends. When Lopez’s first album, On the Six, dropped, it produced hits that made you go “Oh, so she can sing too?” Later songs like “If You Have My Love,” “Play,” “Waiting for Tonight” and “I’m Real” all proved to be solid dance club favorites that could hold their own in a fight on any subway, including J-Lo’s beloved six train. The songs and their memorable videos still have street cred in the world of popular music over four years later.

But that was when she was with Puffy. Following that was a relationship with Chris Judd, a backup dancer who wasn’t doing anything for her. Then there was the Bennifer fiasco until Ben Affleck recovered from ethnic amnesia and realized he was a white boy from South Boston (not the Bronx) and recoupled with Matt Damon. The only thing that relationship produced was Gigli and J-Lo’s last album This is Me … Then (with the song “Dear Ben”), both of which bombed. Now there is Marc “Skeletor” Anthony. Newsflash: marrying Marc Anthony will not bring the second coming of the El Ni