Passover is ruining my life. That’s right, I said it.
As a Jew, I should be refraining from all bread products this week. As a college student, I am not.
With a bagel store right downstairs and a Chinese food place next door, what do you expect me to do? Trust me when I tell you that Matzah Pizza at Mama T’s is not as good as it sounds. Unfortunately.
Matzah is unleavened bread — sound’s appetizing, right? It is traditionally eaten during Passover because long ago, the Jews in Egypt had not hadtime to let the bread rise before fleeing (and not, incidentally, because it has any taste whatsoever, unless you consider cardboard a flavor.)
The thing is, if the Jews in Eqypt had had bread, wouldn’t they have eaten it? I think so, especially if they had tasted like the bread at CTB.
Every time I have tried to butter my Matzah this thought plagued me. I mean, I am a college student — carb loading is part of who I am!
Ask anything else, but this is my time! It’s like asking me not to sleep on Slope Day. Oh wait, you are asking me not to drink on Slope Day. But Snoop-a-loop! Self sacrifice is for losers. Spread that around.
Well, I’ve given up this year … unless I get a sudden pang of Jewish guilt. Or if Cornell Hillel sends someone to kill me. But they would have done that already.
Archived article by Logan Bromer