September 9, 2005

Stupidity Runs Rampant; Cornell Still Has Some Hope Though

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Why is everybody these days so stupid? From Rafael Palmeiro’s steroid testimony to people saying that Roger Clemens and his miniscule 1.57 ERA should not win the Cy Young because he only has 11 wins, the bulk of the sports world is beginning to make Beavis and Butthead look like Doogie Howser. But the real scary thing is that this lack of common sense is beginning to creep into our own beloved Cornell. At least we still have some glimmers of hope though.

It used to be that our knowledge, like our campus, which is far above Cayuga’s Waters, was far above that of most other raging morons roaming the earth.

That, unfortunately, has to be put into question when I see things like men’s soccer head coach Bryan Scales remaining at his post after a 1-15-1 season in 2004. Is it just me, or does anybody else find it odd that 12 out of 25 players on the current roster are freshman? Where did all the upper-classmen go? I personally know four former players who quit because of Scales himself. Maybe somebody should look into that – just a thought.

How about another great thinker, Shane Hynes ’06, who made the decision to forego his senior season in favor of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks of the NHL. Hynes said that it was “what is best for [his] career right now.” Sure, what 86th pick would stay in school to hone his skills in one of the premier college programs in the country under the tutelage of one of best coaches in Cornell history? Oh, and that coach (Mike Schafer ’86) just signed a long-term extension because he wants nothing more than to see his alma mater win a national title. Who knows, maybe the money Anaheim offered was just too good for Hynes to pass up. USC quarterback Matt Leinart, unlike Hynes, probably decided to stay in school because the money for the No. 1 pick in the NFL draft is probably no way near as much as the 86th pick in the recharged NHL. Please.

All this stupidity has begun to creep into my own head, I think. Why else would I not talk to that beautiful girl in class today? What I need to do is start looking at the smart people around here.

It seems now that some of the only intelligent people involved with the athletic department are associated with the football team. Thank God we’re finally bashing that ridiculous stereotype. Head coach Jim Knowles ’87 just recently announced this season’s captains – seniors Kevin Boothe, Joel Sussman, and Kevin Rex. There cannot be three better guys to lead the Red into battle every Saturday than the heart and soul of the team – the guys that do the dirty work. Boothe makes a name for himself in the most unassuming way – by clearing a path through defenders so that one of his teammates can get the glory of scoring a touchdown. Sussman – who has played through numerous injuries throughout his career for the Red – and Rex do their work by pounding the other team into submission for the sole reason of bringing Cornell football back to respectability.

Well, congratulations coach Knowles and captains, not only is the Cornell football program back on the map, but you guys are looking like Albert Einstein compared to the rest of these fools.

Speaking of fools (sorry, I forgot to add them to my idiot list before), who are these jokes that voted the team to finish fifth in the Ivy League’s preseason media poll? I know I didn’t get a chance to vote. If I had gotten the opportunity to do so, I would have picked the Red to finish at least third. Because, unlike Scales, Knowles produces. Brought back to his alma mater in an effort to turn around a team that had gone winless in Ivy play and was picked to finish last by the same geniuses in last year’s media poll, Knowles came in with a new attitude that brought the team to great heights. It’s funny how all somebody has to do to succeed around here is simply to care about what they are doing.

Last season, as the Red was making an astonishing comeback at Columbia, Knowles led the cheering section, as he waved towels around while standing on a bench to try to get the few Cornell supporters fired up about the team.

Yesterday, anybody within a half-mile of Schoellkopf Field was able to hear a soundtrack consisting of “September” by Earth, Wind & Fire (great song) and “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns N’ Roses. Knowles uses the music at practice to get his team raring to go – Knowles himself needs no catalyst. He’s always pumped about Cornell football.

Funny how the game all of the intellectual types call dumb is making the smartest moves lately.

Chris Mascaro is the Sun Sports Editor. He May Be Tall will appear every other Friday this semester.

Archived article by Chris Mascaro