Recently we attended a party themed “Things that aren’t cool,” and while we were clad in the most atrocious attire our closets could provide, it was difficult to distinguish between those who were aware that they were being uncool and those who just were uncool. Honestly people, do you even glance in the mirror before you walk out the door? The ensembles that many of you walk around in make you look like you just stepped off the set of Boy Meets World (did you see Topanga’s outfits?!?). Spare us the Cornell version of Revenge of the Nerds and burn the following items if you are unfortunate enough to own them.
Fanny Packs
Even though Gucci and Chanel have decided to take a more nostalgic ’80s approach to fashion, we cannot forgive them for re-releasing fanny packs into the fashion scene. We are even more offended by the fact that many of you have opted to buy and wear these god awful excuses for a purse. Slapping on G’s and C’s and calling it a belt bag doesn’t make it any cooler. Didn’t we stop wearing those on that last field trip in kindergarten? Do you need a place for your dentures? Only when you are carrying an AARP card while touring Disney World with the grandkids will we excuse this heinous faux pas.
Furry Boots
Lately, it appears that some of you decided to embrace the legend of Bigfoot and have begun to sport huge boots covered in long shaggy fur. Since when did wearing your Maltese as footwear become cool? Before people on campus start asking if they can pet and play fetch with your feet, put on some normal shoes pronto. This trend has haunted us since freshman year. It wasn’t cool then – it still isn’t now. If you can’t live without fur, buy some UGGs with tasteful fur accents. Not only will you look classier and more fashion savvy, you will reduce the risk of having stray dogs attempt to hump your legs.
Ponchos
Oh good ‘ole ponchos. We remember the days when you were cute and quasi fashionable, but alas those days are long gone. Thank goodness. Wearing a glorified tent to class is no way to walk around campus. They are totally unflattering and unjustified unless you are smuggling small children over the border. Seriously, leave the outdated blanket at home and wear something that’s a little less Mimi Maternity. May we recommend a peacoat for a more basic and always stylish look?
Fair Isle Sweaters
The days of LL Bean have passed, and with them went their fair isle sweaters. If you aren’t familiar with the term, those are the crew cut sweaters with the neck outlined by an arc of snowflakes among other abstract designs. Sadly, during a trip to Syracuse, we became aware that J. Crew has decided to bring these atrocities back into the world of winter wear. Steer clear of these grandmotherly getups. If you’re looking for a preppy print, opt for the less “I’m taking a fifth grade year book picture” look and go with argyle.
Sandals and Socks
We realize it is cold out and the season for socks has come, but do not dare to wear them with a sandal of any sort. Your Birkenstocks are comfortable, but when it’s 30 degrees out its time to retire them until next spring. Refrain from attempting to extend their life by wearing them with winter socks. Sandals are meant for summer, and this feeble attempt at winterizing them makes you look like an engineer (sorry guys, it’s true!). If you can afford Birkenstocks, you can afford equally comfortable sneakers.
Archived article by Maria Panagopulos and Joanna DiCostanzo
Sun Staff Writers