By November 4, 2005
It was only inevitable you know. From the moment it started, I suspected it would get out of hand eventually and after things just exploded, I feared for the worst. What am I talking about exactly? Oh, just a little something we call reality television. You’re probably making a face right about now, internal emotions wavering somewhere between irritation and boredom, dying to say something along the lines of, “Reality television is so two years ago!” Fret not, gentle reader, for I wanted to say the exact same thing although perhaps with a little more expletives when it was brought to my attention that instead of graciously exiting while still on top in some Destiny’s Child sort of way, reality television had decided to milk us for all we’re worth with the creation of Fox Reality, the first television network devoted entirely to broadcasting reality programming. With a slogan like, “All reality, all the time,” there can be no misconception as to what type of channel this will be. Targeted at college students and 20 somethings, the network’s lineup methodically divides up the day in terms of programming blocs. We start off with the “Love & Lust” section every morning, where shows like Extreme Dating or Ambush Makeover serve up several doses of frothy romance and self-improvement. Mixed emotions certainly don’t characterize early afternoons on Fox Reality, where the aptly named, “Cops and Heroes” section broadcasts action-packed programming of the Cops variety. Then we move on to “Reality Imports,” which introduces international reality shows. With evenings comes “Prime Reality,” where all your old favorites like Joe Millionaire or Paradise Hotel all make their obligatory appearances. “Reality Fix” soon follows and is a segment that features hour-long specials and shows like When Animals Attack. Last on the menu is “Reality Red-Eye,” the most risque of the bunch. Its international lineup and raunchy highlights section is, I suppose, a solution of sorts to all those Cornell all-nighters. Fox Reality explains its purpose, promise and participants well enough. Although the words “reality” and “exclusive” are often mixed with phrases like “never before seen” or “never been aired,” I can’t help but wonder if this really is, reality. I don’t recall fighting each other while adorned in traditional Mongolian garb while in unidentified grasslands to be a conventional aspect of my reality. Similarly, it is perhaps only ironic that a male contestant is captured on camera saying, “The whole concept – is mean spirited. Nothing good can come out of that.” Sure, he may have been talking about Temptation Island, the original reality television version of a devil on your shoulder, but can all reality all the time be a good thing? And furthermore, isn’t it better experienced as just, “life?” I was getting a little light-headed from all the meaningful pondering and thus decided to do as Fox Reality instructed and visit their website (www.foxreality.com). Purportedly the “hub” of all reality fans, the Fox Reality website is essentially a supplement to the main network. The clear gem amidst all this generic, network website fare, however, lies in the “games” section. Reality show games, you ask with incredulity? Yeah, I’m right there with you. There are currently four main games on the website: Fantasy Reality Challenge, The Real Deal and The Cops & Heroes Criminal Crackdown. Fantasy Reality Challenge is essentially the same thing, but with reality show stars. I know, you’re nearly pulling your hair out in excitement. For anyone who has ever dreamt about casting their ideal team of reality show stars to dominate the upcoming television season, your horrifyingly specific fantasies are about to come true. Still, none of these mini games caught my fancy, but it was only then that I discovered Love & Lust. Another product of the ampersand fixation that Fox Reality seems to have developed, the game forces players to “get to your date on time” in a super hot pink vehicle driving at night against the backdrop of some anonymous cityscape. Collecting “lips” on the way will up your “mojo” while collecting “dollars” will up your score. There are obstacles, of course, on this road to love in the form of road blocks, uneven pavement or gaps in the road. Complete with trumpet-heavy, porno-rific background music, this game was entirely addicting and altogether ridiculous. Fox Reality may have gained the upper hand on the gradually waning arena of reality television, but its shameless programming and bold lineup will probably attract more naïve channel surfers ready for a good ‘ole fashioned, brainless time. Despite my initial reservations, however, I must grudgingly admit that an hour later, and I am still desperately trying my hardest to beat level two on my date with destiny. Why so numerous, gaps in the road, why?Archived article by Tracy ZhangArts and Entertainment Editor
By November 4, 2005
One of the greatest injustices of new music technology is the invention of the Party Music Hijacker. I’m not talking about file-sharing or copyright law, but rather am concerned with a new trend of tampering with the conscious music choice of a party host. I’m talking about the guy who takes your iPod, while connected to the speakers, and systematically kills each song by not letting it finish. This is a high crime and needs further examination if we are ever to claim full control over the sonic ambience of our own environment. Have you ever been to a gathering of people, (nay, a “party”), and suddenly the songs over the stereo start cutting off in the middle, corrupting the essential nature of each? At the crescendo of “Bohemian Rhapsody,” no boom, but silence. Somebody has changed the song. 50 Cent, then The Doors? Something is wrong. The flow has been shattered, and you get edgy. You tell yourself it must be a mistake. One quirk is forgivable. Your ears naturally adapt to whatever is playing, and after 30 seconds of the new song, you readjust. Don’t get too comfortable, because whoever is at the helm has changed songs once again. You see him and his friend hovering over your computer, rifling through your CD’s, casually clicking your iPod, tasting and sampling each song at their own leisure, completely oblivious to the existence of other people. They are like children shoving dirty hands into buckets of candy, defiling the sweetness for the rest. Soon a new song appears every 10 seconds, and hell breaks loose. It must stop. There is an implicit etiquette to being a houseguest, certain rules one carries when entering foreign territory. The obvious guidelines, such as ‘Don’t break, steal or set fire to anything’ are well understood. The more modest ‘Be considerate to their music choices’ may go unheeded. Some students at Cornell give a damn about what they listen to. For those without the means for a DJ, the “party mix” is a highly creative and meticulously thought-out piece of work, incorporating ideals of space, time and movement. This science, while highly relative and unique, is calculated. To provide a painful example, I give you this: At a recent Halloween party, I devised the dorkiest mix I could. Anything vaguely relating to witches or death, fantasy or alter-egos went in (from Wayne Shorter’s “Witch Hunt” to Sun Ra’s “I’m Gonna Unmask the Batman”). At the John William’s Superman theme song, somebody put on Gorillaz. Ouch. So if you find that lonesome iPod fueling the party, let it be, my friend. Dozens of human beings are engaged with the music, have given themselves to it. For you to grab hold with mangy fingers the source of energy and life and torture everyone else with your impatience is extremely inconsiderate! Ok! Let’s calm down, I’m getting whiny. We can admit this much: the culprits are not entirely to blame. This heresy, in fact, is part of a larger epidemic sweeping young people everywhere. It is called Mp3 A.D.D. This disease is the manifestation of restlessness due to the easy accessibility of music. Managing Mp3’s is extremely simple. With a click you can navigate through thousands of songs in a second. This impatience is specific to our generation because older forms of music technology were less convenient. The large vinyl record had to be carefully placed on the turntable, and then the needle precisely dropped into the rivulet of the new song. Listening to music was not as easy as it is now. In fact, its difficulty made listening to music an activity as opposed to a diversion. The time it took to prepare a song created an attachment between you and it. This symbiotic nature has definitely been lost with the ease of new technology. Party Music Hijacking is Mp3 A.D.D. in the worst way. Because music has been made so accessible, certain partygoers no longer feel the need to invest in a full-length song, but are content to sample each and leave it behind, forming no connection and insulting the piece or work (much like popular music video formats on that “MTV” the kids are watching these days). Not only is this attention-deficient person suffering a severe lack of musical patience, but he is inflicting this disease upon others as well, spreading the infection. It’s dangerous. Just try turning off “Like a Prayer” at a frat party. The sorority girls will rip your head off.Archived article by Jonah GreenSun Staff Writer