October 31, 2006

Skorton Nominated for Grammy Award

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President David J. Skorton has been nominated for several Grammy Awards, the University announced yesterday. According to sources close to the Recording Academy, Skorton’s jazz flute performance during First Year Family Weekend sent him “over the teetering fence.”

Skorton’s nominations span several categories: Best New Artist; Best Jazz Instrumental Album, Individual or Group; Best Jazz Fusion Performance and Best Disco Recording.

The jazz flute is an invention of the 1980s, when people were bored enough to try anything. Former Prof. Hans Beflute was heavily involved in its creation. Many do not know what a jazz flute is or what purpose it serves, but, luckily for jazz flutists, these questions were largely answered in the hit documentary about the instrument, Anchorman.

“We in the music department at Cornell University fully support President Skorton in his endeavors to win the Grammy in as many categories as humanely (sic) possible,” said Prof. Vanessa Lebowitz, musical awards.

The Grammy Awards, originally presented as the Grammatical Awards by Carrie Bliss during her starring roles in Good Morning, Miss Bliss and Saved by the Bell, are now awarded for achievements in the musical recording industry.
According to the Gospel otherwise known as Wikipedia, the Grammys is part of a trio of major music award shows held every year in the United States. The others include VH1’s Hip Hop Awards and GrassRoots.

There are 789 Grammy categories in 1,458 genres of music, including accordion, abdominals and yodeling. The winners receive a small gilded statuette of a gramophone from the fourth century.

This year’s Grammys will take place on Feb. 11, 2007 in Los Angeles, Calif. For those unable or not popular enough to make it to L.A., the taping will be aired on Fox News.

Happy Halloween! Hope you enjoyed the joke issue.