Send the best that you hear to email@example.com, and look for Overheard every Thursday in Daze. Remember, only YOU can record the stupidity of your peers for history.
Roommate: [looking at the side of a tuna can] This says dolphin safe on it. What does that mean?
Girlfriend: [completely serious] Um … that must mean you can feed it to dolphins?
Girl 1: You’re not Christian?
Girl 2: No! People always think that! It really bothers me!
Girl 1: So what are you?
Girl 2: I’m Catholic, not Christian!
Girl 1 and Others: Ohhh …
— Café Pacific (the restaurant formerly known as Eat Dessert First)
Girl: Every girl needs a pair of ass-less chaps.
— West Campus
Girl: Hey you wanna be friended (Facebook), too?
Girl: What’s your name?
Professor: Okay, so the Greeks made a lot of significant contributions to the world of science. They also made a contribution to Cornell, too … do you know who started the first fraternity?
Pretentious Frat Boy: Yeah. Zeus.
Pretentious Frat Boy: No, no. That wasn’t a question.
— Physics 203
[While playing Scrabble with only frisbee related words]
Ultimate Chick 1: What does Bourne have to do with frisbee?
Ultimate Chick 2: Matt Damon is hott.
Ultimate Chick 1: Oh, okay.
— South Carolina
Law Student #1: So at the end of this program, I can practice law in France. My husband’s family is from France, so he is excited that we can move closer to them.
Law Student #2: Do you get along well with his family?
Law Student #1: Yeah, I mean as well as you can with in-laws … plus they’re French, so that brings on a whole new set of issues.
— Hughes Dining Coffee Line
Guy #1: Don’t shake your head at me!
Guy #2: I’ll shake anything I want at you.
Guy #3: I’m going back to the dorm.
— Bear Nasties
Chick: Hey!! How was your Spring Break?
Friend eating jumbo muffin: It was alright. I fell into the egg white/exercise three times a day cycle.
Chick: Oh, I’m so jealous. I think I’m going to do that this summer.
— Ivy Room
Senior Girl 1: So what do you want to do off of that 161 things to do list
before we graduate?
Senior Girl 2: I was thinking Conservatory, Ice Skating, McGraw Tower…
Senior Girl 1: [Interrupting] I’m sorry; all I can think right now is snow
— Dining Hall