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Girl 1: Hey, do you have any water I could borrow?
Girl 2: No, I’m not drinking water; I’m on a diet.
—Libe Café
Girl 1: Do you love New York?
Girl in I Heart NY shirt: I do love New York.
Girl 1: I don’t think you love New York. You’re from Canada.
Girl in I Heart NY shirt: I do love New York. [Pause] Well, I love New York City.
—Jameson Hall elevator
Hot blonde chick: 1996. That was twenty years ago!
—Fall Creek Apts.
Guy: I wish I could do Bhangra.
Girl: Why, so you could have one more talent to whip out when you’re drunk?
Guy: You said you liked my Riverdance.
Girl: I said it was better than your Elvis Presley.
—College Ave.
Man [on cell phone]: What I really need right now … [pause] No, Joanne, not that. What I really need is some cottage cheese and a trip to the museum.
—Arts Quad
Angry girl: Jeez!! Everyone is ALWAYS trying to give me condoms!
Calm friend: Uh, she gave you a fortune cookie, not a condom.
Angry girl: I know! I HATE fortune cookies.
—The Straight
Guy [describing his Spring Break]: So I was in bed with these three girls and the ugliest one asked me to save it for her.
—Noyes Community Recreation Center
Guy [looking at heat lamps outside at CTB]: If I were homeless, I would steal one of these and put it in my house.
—CTB
Chick: Did you see that Slope Day got cancelled?
Dude: No way.
Chick: No, I swear, it was in the paper.
Dude: In The New York Times?
Chick: No...
Dude: I ONLY trust The New York Times
—Okenshields
Sorry, I’m on a Diet
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