April 12, 2007

How Far Exactly Is Kennedy Airport?

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I’ve received some criticism lately about the stereotypical representation of frat boys and sorority girls in this column. Although I do find these stereotypes to be generally amusing, I also encourage a wide range of labels. The Greeks are easy to identify, but so are varsity athletes, professors, Long Islanders, architects, etc. So typecast! And as always, email [email protected] and check out Overheard every Thursday in Daze.

Guy #1: So how was your day?
Guy #2: Uhh … Do you want the long version or the short version?
Guy #3: Well we’re showering, so give me the long one.
— Shower in Cascadilla Hall

Sorority Chick: So, I need a ride to the airport on Friday…
Whipped Dude: Ok, what time do we need to leave?
Sorority Chick: Mmm, early, probably at 8:00 a.m.
Whipped Dude: Yeah, no problem. I got class, I’ll catch you later [leaves].
Sorority Chick: [on cell phone] Tiffany? Yeah, Rob said he’d give me a ride to JFK on Friday. [pause] Yeah, he’s not stupid, he knows how far New York is.
— Ho Plaza

Bingo number caller #1: I pick up lots of chicks, G56. But when I don’t, I masturbate, B8.
— Bingo Room

Tall freshman: This summer I am gonna work for my dad.
Short freshman: What does he do?
Tall freshman: I’m not sure, something in insurance? Or maybe auto sales? Restaurants? It’s always changing, but it’s always greasy.

Girl 1: Why’d they glue it together?
Girl 2: Because it’s April Fool’s Day.
Girl 1: It’s April 4th already?
— West Campus

Girl: I hope I never end up in that Overheard column.
— Uris Library

Burly guy in black tights and Northface jacket: Hey guys, do you think I could be a Theta girl?
— Bartels

Girl: Yeah see I think Ted is like God — when you die, you can go to a place where you have the possibility of learning his sexuality.
— Libe Café

Frat Boy 1: She called me emotionally insensitive. I can’t believe it.
Frat Boy 2: What does that even mean?
Frat Boy 1: I have no clue. I don’t even care.
— Trillium

Freshman girl: Wait, you can eat in the library?
Freshman guy: Yeah, totally. Cornell is really chill with that kind of stuff. I hear you can get stuff delivered, too — they’ll bring it right to you … wings, pizza…
Freshman girl: No way!
— Cocktail Lounge