With Sun Senior Writer Paul Testa stressing about his senior thesis, Sun Assistant Sports Editor Harrison D. Sanford picked up the ball to interview women’s track and cross country member Shannon Crane, a person who has had numerous references in The Sun in the past couple weeks.
1. Shannon C …
Is that what you are referred to now, “Shannon C?”
No more Shannon Crane?
I do not have a last name … my mother calls me “Shannon C”
So, I see you run the middle distance for track, tell me about that.
I do not like the long distance, I don’t like endurance, I like the speed aspect.
So you’re not really a quick hitter? But, at the same time you’re not a marathon runner, you’re in the middle.
[Laughing] Yeah, I really don’t have the strength to be a sprinter, as my biceps will show.
So, have you ever wanted to be a quick hitter?
So you never wanted to be really fast and get it all over with?
[Laughing] Well yeah, everyone wants to be fast and get it over with.
Have you ever been a quick hitter?
[Defensively Laughing] No!
I know a lot of guys who like “quick hitters.”
So, are you in it for the long haul?
Yeah, well a little in between. I am not fast and to the point and I don’t bore you, I’m right in the middle. I’m a little bit of both.
I don’t know my feelings on that.
2. Next question, what is your personal best?
My best mile, which is my favorite event, is 4:51.
4:51, that’s a short time.
Yeah, that’s a short time.
That’s real quick.
[Quickly] That’s real quick.
But I thought you weren’t a quick hitter?
[Laughing] I am a real quick hitter,
So you are a quick hitter?
I changed my mind … so what’s your time?
I’m not the one being questioned here, that’s you.
3. So you run cross-country and track?
Cross country I don’t like as much, I’m kind of getting to the point where I don’t like running on the field for four miles anymore.
So you don’t like playing the field?
But I thought you were an adventurous person.
[Laughing] No comment.
We don’t do ‘no comments’ here.
Okay, there are a lot of hills, I don’t like going uphill.
So you don’t like challenges?
So you are a quick hitter that doesn’t like challenges. Is that what you are trying to say here today?
[Laughing] That is so awful.
Is that what you are really trying to say?
Wow, that’s good, that’s good, that’s good
4. So, I have noticed that you track girls have no problem stripping down. The lacrosse teams, the football team, they all wear pads but you guys, you actually lose clothes. You run in your undergarments.
We like to call them “spankies.”
Spankies!? Where did that one come from?
[Laughing] Okay, our captains told us that when you are running past a girl in a race and it seems like she is dying down, you are supposed to give her [Laughing] a little spank in the butt as encouragement.
So are you a spanker or a spankee?
I’m a spanker. [Laughing]
[Amazed] Wow! So you are a quick hitter, who is a spanker that doesn’t like challenges … is this who you are?
[Laughing] Once again, I’m going to have to say so.
So, I imagine you guys wear less clothes to make you run faster, correct?
Yeah, less resistance.
So, in that case, what are your feelings about running naked?
Have you ever ran naked?
[Shyly] Maybe … pass
Fair enough, fair enough … but essentially, you are not shy about taking off your clothes?
[Laughing] No comment.
[Correcting] Nope, I am sorry, but as I said, “we don’t do no comments here.”
[Admittedly] … Yes. [Laughing]
5. So, I was preparing for 10 Questions
and I went to the track website to look at the media guide. Surprisingly, I didn’t see you, what’s going on?
Well, if you don’t score at the Heps, you don’t get the head shot in the media guide. I am actually happy about that because the head shots are awful.
So, you don’t take good head shots?
[Laughing] I’m not a fan.
So you are officially not a fan of head shots?
They are so awkward, they are all in your face.
That can be taken so many different ways.
[Laughing] I cannot believe what is going to be in the paper on Thursday. I need to stop speaking. I really should stop.
6. Moving on, I was looking at some of your track results and I noticed at the Reif Invitational, held in Ithaca, you actually did better than when you ran at the Buffalo Invitational, aren’t you from Buffalo? What happened to home court advantage?
I was injured during that race. I was …
[Interrupts] Is that an excuse?
It is an excuse. I am a big excuse maker. It was actually real bad because my whole family came, all my cousins, my grandpa and everyone was cheering. They had pom-poms and it was horrible because I finished near last.
So, do you like performing in front of an audience?
I love having my family there.
Is your family around usually when you perform?
No, no one really comes out for me, its kind of upsetting. Usually it just the team watching.
Hmm … the team watches …
When your perform … Okay.
You know, personally for me, I feel like I am a better performer at home, I feel like I know all the “nooks and crannies,” the “ins and the outs.”
But that is not you, you are better on the road?
Yeah, I am going to say yes and keep digging myself deeper, its fine. There is no turning back now.
More or less, more or less. So, let us move onto some trash talking.
[Shocked] We aren’t already trash talking!? Alright, let’s go.
7. Why don’t you just tell everybody that track and cross country athletes are the best at Cornell? Can you say that?
You guys are the best athletes, without a question.
We are probably the best athletes anywhere in the world.
Even though our lacrosse team is ranked No. 1 in the nation, you would have no problem telling them that they are out-of-shape?
No, not at all
Wow. So, what would you say to an offensive lineman on the football team?
Would you have the balls to tell them that they are out-of shape?
[Confidently] Yea, I can take them. Look at these biceps, I’m not even joking.
So are you really in that good shape?
[Laughing] No, I’m really not. I usually talk before I think, obviously. I might get in trouble.
So who are the second best group of athletes at Cornell?
I guess I will hand it to lacrosse.
Who is the worst?
That’s awful! I don’t know, I don’t even know some of the sports that exist.
Might you be talking about squash? Are you taking shots at the squash team?
[Laughing] Probably, I guess I am now.
8. Now it is time for the illustrious question, who is the hottest team at Cornell?
I am going to have to pull a [senior] Mitch Belisle and say that I am being pressured by [sophomore] Amanda Wheat to say the Bhangra team.
The Bhangra team!
[Emphasizing] The Bhangra team! The Bhangra team made the cut.
That might not be my opinion but in Amanda’s opinion, she wanted to give a little shoutout to anyone who wanted to take part in Bhangra lessons.
So, is Amanda giving Bhangra lessons?
She would like to receive Bhangra lessons. But, in my opinion, I know a lot of the guys on the football team and they are pretty sexy.
So football it is?
No, I think I might have to say wrestling.
Wrestling … you don’t get thrown off by the guys consistently grabbing each other?
[Laughing] They are hilarious and inappropriate and belligerent and that is what I am attracted to.
So, let’s get this correct, you are “quick hitter,” who does the spanking and at the same time, you like the aggressive and belligerent drunkin’ guys? Is that what you are saying?
[Laughing] Not drunken.
I just threw that in, I’m sorry but that is what you like?
General inappropriateness, very sexy.
Fair enough, fair enough.
And they do a mean cha-cha slide .. I’m just saying.
Well, we are going to get to some more inappropriate topics soon.
We are al
No, trust me, the line has not been crossed yet.
Paul [Testa] would be proud.
9. Now, it’s time to step up, time to step up Shannon. I know you are going to get a lot of haters for this but who isn’t the hottest men’s team at Cornell?
[Shocked] Oh no.
Who is at the bottom of the rankings?
That is so horrible.
Let’s do it, the most unattractive team.
You don’t have to do it, I was just playing with you. I wanted to see if you had the balls to do it.
10. You have made so many appearances in The Sun, your popularity must have risen, what’s your market value right now? Are you really hot on the streets?
[Laughing] Well, I don’t even need an ID to go into bars, all I have to say is that I am Shannon C. I get pulled over by the cops and they say ,”Ma’am I am sorry, I didn’t know it was you.”
Don’t you feel an extra obligation to come out even prettier since one of the guys on the lacrosse team admitted to having a crush on you? Don’t you have to come out prettier or else everybody will question their credibility. Suppose you come out one day, and you look really bad and I would look at you and say, “Don’t the guys on the lacrosse team like this girl!?” We will judge them from then on.
I don’t need to do it for anyone. But, I guess I owe the lacrosse team a little something, something.
At the end of 10 Questions two weeks ago …
There was a certain Assistant Sports Editor, I can’t really name names right now, who admitted to a certain affection for the one, Shannon C. How did you feel about that?
Hmmm, Harrison D. Sanford III, I am not really sure who it exactly could have been, but it could have been Harrison D. Sanford III.
It might have been … and there is a rumor, just a rumor, that this certain Assistant Sports Editor has an obligation to The Sun as a track beat writer.
So, there is obviously a conflict of interests, wouldn’t you agree?
I might agree, yes.
Well Shannon, mama always told me …
“You can’t mix business with pleasure.” So, Shannon, who has to quit their jobs first? … Do you have quit the track team, or do I have to quit The Sun?
Who’s quitting first?
I am not a fan of quitters.
[Innocently] Shannon … Shannon, I would really like to keep my job, okay? So can you quit?
I think you can mix business with pleasure.
[Discovering] You can mix business with pleasure!
I think you can. [Snickering]
… Are you saying you want to jump on top of me right now!?
Is that what you are really trying to tell me?
[Laughing] And do a little spanking.
I have a few qualms when it comes to spanking.
[Laughing] You might have to quit The Sun then.
Well played, well played.
Harrison D. Sanford is an Assistant Sports Editor. 10 Questions will continue next week with the usual Paul Testa unless Harrison is no longer available to work for The Sun and edit his work. Questions and comments may be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org