April 19, 2007

Who Is This STAFF Guy?

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Send your submissions to [email protected], and check out Overheard every Thursday in Daze. And watch your back (and mouth) — you never know what will end up in the paper. It’s all fair game.

Snobby Little Pre-frosh Girl: It’s a cool campus but I dunno if I’ll get in.
Mom: We know what Cornell wants. You have all of the pieces of a good application.
Snobby Little Pre-frosh Girl: [really mad] What do you know!? How do you know what they want!? What are you, psychedelic or something!?
—Taste of Thai

Overacheiver: I miss the days when you were cool if you worked at McDonalds during the summer.
—Libe Café

Frantic Girl: I can’t find STAFF on RateMyProfessor!!!
Sarcastic Guy: Weird… he teaches a lot of my classes too…
—Mews Hall Lounge

Guy doing math: [pointing to crotch] Now THAT ain’t a unit vector. Well, sometimes it starts out as one.

Blunt Girl: Did I put my underwear on backwards again? [pause] Nope its just inside out.
—Freshman Dorm

Person on cell phone at computer: [Loudly] Do I have a money market? Do I still have CDs? [pause] I’m supposed to put expected summer earnings. They’re asking me, like, how much are you going to earn this summer?
—Uris Library Electronic Classroom

Distraught girl: Mom, did you cut off my credit card???

Cornellian: I have to go to the library to write my paper. You can stay here and hang out, whatever.
Pre-Frosh: God, what a loser. I thought college kids were cool.
Cornellian: College kids are cool Thursday through Sunday.
Pre-Frosh: I visited Columbia, and they were cool all the time
—North Campus