April 26, 2007

Thinking About Cameron Diaz’s Smile

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Shoot an email to [email protected] every time you overhear something that warrants publication. It’s a crazy world; share it. Every Thursday in Daze.

Girl on phone in class: No, Mom, I really wanna go. Mom, Barcelona is not a bigger party city than any other place I could go abroad. Ok, maybe it’s a bigger party city than Darfur, but that’s about it.

Physics TA: Okay, now that we have an example of what it is a vector, tell me, what is not a vector?
Frat Boy: Me. I am not a vector.
—Physics Section

Physics TA: [shows painting of the Nativity scene] Do you know who painted this?
[No one answers]
Physics TA: How about you, what is your guess?
Dumb Chick: I was going to say Jesus.
—Physics Section

Outraged Girl: And you’re not even Facebook friends?
Calm Chick: No, we’re not.
Outraged Girl: That makes you a slut! Come on!
Calm Chick: No, no, Mary said there was a week window, so if I friend him now, it’s okay.
Outraged Chick: NO! Post-coital friending does not negate questionable morals!
Calm Chick: Uh, in English?
—Temple of Zeus

Dude Bro 1: Yeah dude, I didn’t think my gender class was going to be all feminist. I thought it would be about gender and sex and shit.
Dude Bro 2: Dude that sucks…
Dude Bro 1: Yeah, like today, the prof was telling us that when a girl goes down on a guy, it’s male domination and then she tried to tell us that when a guy goes down on girl, that’s also male domination!
Dude Bro 2: Yeah right man, that shit is gross.
Dude Bro 1: I know! Plus they can bite! They’re all like mother fuckin piranhas and shit!

Girl: Oh! Oh, ok, I thought my bra just popped … then I realized I’m not wearing a bra!
—Balch Hall

Girl: Hey, What’s your major?
Boy: Econ and Latin.
Girl: Why are you majoring in Latin?
Boy: Because it definitely increases my sex appeal.

Studious Girl: Man, I couldn’t sleep again last night. I was just lying there. I was thinking about Cameron Diaz’s smile. She’s always smiling.
—The Terrace in Statler

Girl: My friend just got a new boyfriend; she met him in the library.
Stressed out girl: What? I’m ALWAYS in the library: Why don’t I have a boyfriend?
—Kennedy Auditorium