June 4, 2007

Weekend Report

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Editor’s Note: Wasserman has written a collection of short jokes for his entry this time. Enjoy!

• The Pussycat Dolls will be providing the song for this year’s NBA finals. They got the job after the NBA realized that seven Fergies are more annoying than one.

• Their song will be titled, “Don’t Cha Think Ilgauskas is So Ugly.”

• An 11-year-old boy in Alabama shot and killed a 9-foot, 1,000-pound wild hog. So that’s where Sidney Ponson is now.

• Two Nextel Cup drivers wrote letters supporting former NASCAR PR person Chip Williams, who was sentenced to 26 years in prison this week for coercing minors into sexual activity. The two drivers weren’t named, although it is suspected that they race for NASCAR’s Mark Foley Motorsports team.

• Chicago Cubs Carlos Zambrano and Michael Barrett got into a fight in their dugout and locker room that resulted in Barrett having to go to the hospital with an open lip and two black eyes.

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• Earlier this week on Stephen A. Smith’s radio show, Kobe Bryant announced that he would like to be traded from the Lakers. Wait, what?! You mean that Kwame Brown isn’t working out there? No way! I mean who could have predicted that?

• Later the same day, Kobe went on an L.A. radio show and said that he wanted to stay with the Lakers. Of course, he had his fingers crossed, it was opposite day, and he was rubber while Mitch Kupchak was glue.

• Kentucky Derby winner Street Sense will not be participating in this year’s Belmont Stakes. This isn’t really new, though, as last year’s Derby winner didn’t participate eith…oh wait.