Every year, the week before Orientation starts, a select group of hearty Freshman “trippers” embark on Wilderness Reflection trips with their upperclassmen guides. This is how this year sounded.
Keep sending the best you hear to firstname.lastname@example.org and check it out every Thursday right here in Daze.
Tripper: [In reference to POST Trips] Women are the only ones delusional enough to think that helping people is a good thing. I mean, raising a child has to be the least rewarding experience someone can bear.
Girl: I suck. I’m a girl.
Sexually Repressed Guide: It’s like Tetris, but with sex.
Sexually Content Tripper: [Bursts into impromptu song] The shin bone’s connected to the femur. The femur’s connected to my wiener. My wiener’s connected to my girlfriend. My girlfriend’s connected to the kitchen. That’s it.
Guide [to sexually repressed co-guide]: Nobody’s gonna prove their manhood on my face.
Genius freshman: How does smell get through bag?
Male Tripper #1: I can’t wait for some asshole
Male Tripper #2: Well, you picked the right trip…
[Playing cards on an all male trip]
Grossed out Tripper: Don’t do that! Don’t you know where that’s been?
Experienced Guide: Just in that hole.
A New Student to America: Where do you want us to hang the Beer Bags?
Another Tripper: I believe they’re called BEAR Bags…
Freshman: Your mom’s so trashy I bear bagged her last night.
“Clean” Guy Backpacker: Why are you wearing such dirty socks? Don’t you change them?
Disgruntled Girl wearing Mud-covered socks: My first pair of socks joined the Mud club. My second pair of socks joined the Mud club. My third pair of socks joined the “We walk through hella swamps and rivers that are marked as trails” club! I couldn’t help it!
Co-Guide: Does that sound like a bear eating our food?
Michael Collis: It’s probably just wind.
[As bear eats food]
Guide 1: [Looking at a one-armed man on a rooftop] Is he safe?
Guide 2: He’s as safe as a one-armed man on a rooftop
Cautious Guide: So do you guys really want to go skinny-dipping in Cayuga Lake? It must be really cold!
Carefree Tripper: Come on, the best way to get to know new people is naked!
Townie Tripper: [narrating bus ride] This is the Cayuga Nature Center … I think they have nature there … turns out, they’ve got nature everywhere else, too, so I don’t know what the fuck they do in there…