The Bias Cut

Hi everyone! It’s me. The guy staring at you with a funny look when you walk out of your dorm room in flannel pajamas as if they are appropriate classroom attire, or gazing with approval and admiration at your well-fitting collared shirt or proper use of leggings.
I don’t claim to be an expert. But I do have quick instincts and loud opinions that I am going to share with you each week in my new column, The Bias-Cut.
In the study of fashion, a “bias-cut” refers to the cutting of fabrics at a forty-five degree angle to create a flatteringly fitting garment. For my purposes, the word bias has to do with high-end fashion, and, well, I think it sounds pretty damn good. So it’s my chosen header and you’re stuck with it.
I am going to use this column as an opportunity to discuss how Cornell students wear their clothes and carry themselves. I will at times be brutal and maybe even a little bitchy, but please remember that I am here to help. If I can avoid the poor fashion decisions and inevitable mocking of one little student, then my work here will be worthwhile.
My other main goal this year is to hear less people having to explain their outfits and more people looking better than ever. The backup defense, “It’s Ithaca,” is getting annoying and should be used no more than once — twice, MAX — per month. You wouldn’t tell your professor every other day that your dog ate your homework would you?
This school year, despite whatever weather may come, we all must be on our best behavior and in our best apparel. I don’t think fashion icons like Jackie Kennedy or even hot messes like Kate Moss and Lindsay Lohan would ever pair black leggings with an oversized university hoodie and a three-year old pair of Uggs. Speaking of which,
September is no time for Uggs — so keep those puppies in the back of your closet until at least mid-October. I don’t care how comfortable they are. It is Labor Day weekend for crying out loud! Savor the end of summer!
Take this time to get maximum use out of ballet flats, shorts (especially those in light or pastel colors — tick-tock, running out of time people!), sundresses and as much white as possible before we transition to fall.
Actually, a good new academic year resolution would be to ask yourself each morning as you look in the mirror: WWJD? That is: What would Jackie do? If she doesn’t agree with your choice, but Kate or La Lohan would, that will suffice in these modern times. (See how flexible I am?!) But another warning: As we’ve learned time and time again through our classes, a point is best illustrated through concrete examples. Hint: comparative pictures will come into play with The Bias-Cut.
So double check your mirror, read up and dress down as infrequently as possible!