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Popped collar 1: So what’d you end up doing with her?
Popped collar 2: ... I DOINKED HER!
— RPU brunch
Freshman 1: Dude, can you hold my colored pencils for a second?
Freshman 2: Dude, it’s not the 1960s. They’re called “African-American” pencils now.
—Freshman Dorm
Girl on cell phone in corner: Pleeeease change your sheets. It’s been like three months. I’m begging — I’m actually begging you to change the sheets. Please. [A minute later] SHIT! I fucked up. It started at 1:25 — FUCK! I’m late for class.
— Martha’s
Drunk Guy: There are so many Wills. There are three guy Wills and then that girl Will.
— Eddy Street
Girl: Can I get a chocolate milkshake, fries and Camel Lights?
Drunk Grad Student: Awesome! Where else can you get some shakes, fries, cigarettes and some DEEP FRIED FAT CONDOMS?
Girl [to Grad Student]: I’ve had a rough day...
— Louie’s Lunch
Sorority Girl: [midsentence on cell] Yeaaa I know ... but first apologize for throwing a shoe at my face.
— Olin
Horny Senior: Dude, that Overheard girl is hot. I wish she’d overhear me in bed.
Honest Friend: All anyone would overhear is silence. That’s why I chose you as a roommate.
— Collegetown Annex
Customer: I don’t like hip-hop
Barista: I don’t like fat people.
— Green Dragon Café
Twelve year old-looking freshman: My boyfriend says I look like his kid sister, but that’s okay.
Normal-aged freshman: Um, gross. Go away.
Twelve year old-looking freshman: No, he’s not like that, he’s cool, I swear. He’s an engineer.
— Appel
Preppy Senior: What are you doing next semester?
Macho Senior: [seriously] Man, I don’t know, I think something along the lines of home remodeling for a while.
Preppy Senior: Like INTERIOR DESIGN?
Macho Senior: Man, not so loud.
— Trillium
Bro [to Bro 2]: No dude, anorexia is better!
— Outside the Law School
Cute Girl: What did you do last night?
Nerdy Guy: Played cards.
Cute Girl: Oh! Poker?
Nerdy Guy: No ... Magic the Gathering ...
Cute Girl: Is that like poker?
Nerdy Guy: [pauses]... No.
— Arts Quad
Overheard: I Doinked Her!
Reading time: about 2 minutes
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