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Girl: I can’t come with you. I need to go refrigerate my urine.
— Ag Quad
Adorable hotelie: Your shoes are so cute! Where’d you get them?
Nicely-shod undergrad: El Salvador.
Adorable hotelie: I live in Ithaca; I don’t know that store. Where is it?
Engineering Girl: It’s weird seeing frat boys sober. It reminds me that they’re real people too.
— Engineering Quad
Cornellian: What is a pearl necklace anyway? Does it have something to do with semen?
— Libe Café
Tall Skinny Kid: Oh man, she tasted so bad.
Short Chubby Kid: Well it’s not Kool-Aid [Farts … then, silence] And that’s not Lysol.
— In line at Trillium
Girl on the phone: So, like, my professor, like, talked to me after class, and he was like: “I can tell you have, like, problems with, like, grammar just from the way you, like, talk…”
— Balch Arch
Guy on cell phone [talking way too loudly]: Yeah, I was so drunk I didn’t realize my pants were still down until I felt these cool breezes. And then this girl I really like was coming upstairs while I was going down and … I think she noticed I like her.
— Arts Quad
Girl [on applying to an internship]: No, my resume doesn’t follow their little “format.” But I’m already applying late, so screw it. If they can’t take a joke, then I don’t want to be in their program!
— Duffield Hall
Freshman: It’s all fun and games until the chipmunk eats you!
— Low Rise Seven
Spoiled girl: Like, I’m so lazy. When I get back to my dorm I, like, have to flush my own toilet.
Bro: Hey ladies, want to come play beer pong?
Ladies: … No …
Bro: I’ll get naked for you!!!
— East Seneca Street
New Barista: Do you want to pay with Big Red … Things?
—Green Dragon Café
Blonde Ditzy Girl: Are you serious? John was, like, totally all over her.
Brunette Ditzy Girl: No way! You only think that because his hair is long. You really can’t tell what’s going on under it.
Blonde Ditzy Girl: That’s so true!
Girl: So, what did you think of my friend?
Dude: I mean, I couldn’t tell … she was wearing a really big shirt.
— College Ave.