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Little boy: Why does everyone look so sad?
Boy’s father: They’re not sad, they’re studying.
— Duffield Atrium
Sorority girl: The work doesn’t go away just because you’re shopping.
— Outside Uris
Nervous Girl: Do you think that eating too much peanut butter could, you know, back you up?
Confident Girl: Absolutely not, if peanut butter backed you up, I would have a permanent plug in my colon.
— College Ave.
Quarter Carder [brandishing paper]: Don’t forget to vote!
Guy: Tell me something, what do you think of people who hand out quarter cards?
Quarter Carder [still brandishing paper]: I think they’re obnoxious. [smiles]
Guy: …. right. [takes paper]
— Thurston Ave. Bridge
Girl [in midsentence]: … I killed and ate him, and then made a rug out of his skin …
— Entering Baker Lab
Girl on cellphone: So I just let him stick it in my butt.
[Guy 1 wakes up from nap in Duffield hall and sees a girl walking away]
Guy 1: Is she hot?
Guy 2: Yeah
Guy 1: You saw her face?
Guy 2: Yeah … she definitely was not an engineer.
Guy 1: Welp, I have morning wood.
Girl: I just got molested by the bear.
— Football game
Townie Girl: You know, I really don’t function well when you throw objects at me.
Townie Boy: At least it was only two vases and a teacup this time. Last time we had a fight it was bricks, remember?
— Target parking lot
Guy: So I asked my math major friend to solve this problem. If your mom’s face is ugly, does that mean your face’s mom is ugly?
[long pensive pause]
Guy:[very seriously] Wow.
Guy 2: [thoughtfully] I know.
— Next to Schwartz Center
Climber girl: [in company of four (egocentric) hunky guys] It’s times like these, that I consider myself to have a penis.
— Hurricane Crag, Adirondacks
Guy: She’s such an addict!
Girl: No, she’s always like this.