So, I got busted this week — thanks to whomever you are. And it’s true, I might have bedbugs. I wash my sheets twice a month though, I swear. Really, we just got a washer and a drier in my house, so it’s really convenient. But something keeps biting my wrists during the night. I hope they’re spiders and not bedbugs. Anyhow, keep them coming to
[email protected].
Loud drunk guy: Pllleasssee can we go to the stacks?
Girlfriend: No, someone might catch us.
Loud drunk guy: C’mon … I only need two, maybe three minutes!
Girlfriend: [Sigh]. I know.
— Outside CTB
Asian Girl #1: Why this so complicated?
Asian Girl #2: It’s not complicated. Maybe you’re just horny.
— Cornell
Eye-Poker: [pokes girl’s eye out]: It was so wet I thought I’d put my finger in your mouth!!
— North Campus frat
Girl on cell phone: I tell him everything. I told him I was going to take a dump in the bathroom. Why won’t he tell me stuff?
— Uris Library
Drunk guy: Babbbbby grrll … I’ll buy you a drank. When I get a truck.
— East Seneca Street
Girl 1: You know my biggest fear? That I’ll get pregnant without having sex.
Girl 2: Like … immaculate conception?
Girl 1: Yeah. If immaculate conception happened to me, NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ME!
Girl 2: That’s because you’re a slut.
— Arts Quad
Dude: When I wear a pair of underwear … because I very rarely do … I wear them for like, four days.
— RPCC
Overheard Girl: I’m so happy. Like, everything is just so perfect that I was trying really hard to figure something that was wrong or even something that could just be better. All I could think of was that I might have bedbugs.
— Stewart Avenue
Flamboyant guy: [on phone]: … THAT IS INSULTING … Really? … I would do either one of them. Well, you would just wash the sheets. NO YOU WASH THE SHEETS!
— Collegetown
Friend A: Yeah, I would go for a sheep.
Friend B: Yeah, a desert sheep.
Friend A: What are you talking about?
Friend B: Well if you think about it, a desert is an ideal climate for sheep.
Friend C: What?
Friend B: Yeah, think about it, there are no predators.
— Outside Anabelle Taylor
Girl: You’re always doing this to me, and I never understand. I don’t get it.
Guy: Well maybe that’s why you don’t get it, it’s because you don’t understand.
Girl: Well maybe if I got it, I would understand.
Guy: Huh?
Girl: Never mind. Let’s get bubble tea.
— College Ave.
Intellectual #1: Physically speaking, can openers are not that sexy.
Intellectual #2: But reasonably enough, they are functional.
Intellectual #3: True, true. I couldn’t have said it better.
— Outside Law School