October 31, 2007

¡¡¡Don’t Pois’ Me, bro!!!

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This article appeared in the 2007 edition of the annual Halloween joke issue. The content below was intended for entertainment and parody purposes only and is not true. Happy Halloween!

If you’re sitting in Terrace, enjoy it while you still can. After a Food and Drug unsatisfactory inspection of the facilities, Cornell Dining struggles with an abrupt closing of the popular eatery.
On Tuesday the FDA did a surprise inspection at Terrace Café in the Statler that resulted in the discovery of hair and severely undercooked chicken in the salad. The FDA chose to let Terrace remain open until Friday, but insisted Wegman’s replace the lettuce.
President David Skorton issued a statement regarding the scandal.
“It is disappointing for Cornell Dining and the fans of Terrace, especially of the salads, that Terrace will be closing starting on Thursday,” Skorton said.
Lovvey Feeder, head chef of Cornell Dining was shocked to learn of Terrace’s closing.
“Terrace always seemed clean to me, I was always impressed with the facility,” Feeder said.
—Compiled by Angry Sun Staffers