I think I received a record number of submissions this week – good overhearing, guys! These are the ones that made the cut. Keep submitting to [email protected] every time you can’t believe your ears.
Girl standing directly in view of the clock tower: Do you have the time on you by any chance?
—Ho Plaza
Guy 1: Dude, we gotta get some D.P.!
Guy 2: WHAT?!?! … oh … Dr. Pepper …
—Statler
Lost freshman boy: Yo, I don’t know where Goldwin Smith is. I don’t even know where the Arts Quad is!
—North Campus
Engineer 1: They don’t like the way you smell either!
Engineer 2: Good! Then they should stay away from my crotch!!
—Ivy Room
Naive girl: Oh my god, you’re so skinny! Did you diet?
Worldly girl: [smiling, but totally serious] No, it was the cocaine.
—Terrace
Guy: Those pants look really good on you.
Girl: I know. It’s because I have a lower butt crack than most people.
—Bailey Hall
Cornellian: I can’t believe he’s ditching you to watch the World Series.
—Fields in front of Appel
Distinctly Average Boy: Did you see that Girls Gone Wild bus at Dino’s? They must be doing an Ivy Girls Gone Wild special.
Funny Girl: Yeah, or I suppose they could be doing ugly Girls Gone Wild. I’d buy that.
—Cornell
Curious girl: What do you think is the best sex?
Stud: Definitely morning sex. There is nothing better then sex at like 1 p.m. when you just get up.
— Trillium
Religious Boy: It’s not date rape if there is not a date.
— 104 west
Sick girl: If you won’t be grossed out, I can open my mouth and show you the large white tonsil on the right.
—Outside Olin library
Older woman: She was so rude and blunt!
Older man: It’s her job, she’s a librarian. They’re supposed to be like that.
—Risley
[Drunk girl tries to put foot behind head]
Drunken Boy: Oh my god. Did she just penetrate that girl with her high heel?
—Apartment
Girl 1: [after sneezing] That sneeze made me shake like a dog.
Girl 2: Did it make you shake like a big dog or a little dog? Because little dogs pee a little when they shake.
—Cornell
Party girl: He IMed me and asked if I was feeling better. I said “I’m fine, did I see you last night?” He said, “We made out last night.” Then he added a question mark.
—Ivy Room