November 29, 2007

The Bias Cut

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If you have yet to notice the packed malls and department stores, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas playing on cable, and some song about a red nosed reindeer (Urban legends say it’s because he is such a lush) who guides Santa’s slay, let me be the first to tell you, it’s Christmas! Although you might not be Catholic/Christian/whatever-I-am, being merry, giving gifts and enjoying holiday parties is meant for all — especially the amusement of inevitable holiday party mistakes, drunken confessions and hook ups. So, to help you look your classiest this holiday (if indeed you’re the hot topic of this year’s holiday party) or aid you in looking tacky in your tacky holiday outfit but still in a way classy, The Bias Cut is going to give you a few words of direction and encouragement.
As those Facebook Events and E-Vites keep piling in for holiday parties, some tacky themed and some plain old traditional, you are probably coming to the realization that you are stuck in Ithaca, where there aren’t exactly many places to buy an outfit. Since your walk in closet at home is far away, lets try to make do with what you have.
First scenario — Find all garments that are red, green, blue and yellow. These colors are in everyone designer’s collection and all scream Christmas and Channukah cheer. Girls, dress like Cher before she was robbed at gun-point, that totally important designer “aliyah” actually made a great red dress, simple enough and Christmas-ish enough for any holiday party. Boys, find green cords and something red or blue to wear up top (ie. sweater/Lacoste/Polo/fleece).
If dressing in holiday colors isn’t exactly your favorite idea, then spice up your everyday outfit with a little holiday cheer and accessorize. Obnoxious ornament earrings or miniature light bulbs and reindeers will do the trick. Adding a little flare is necessary. You don’t need to be in a full on costume, like the Pink Ladies in Grease 2 performing “Girls For All Seasons,” to be cheery. It’s college ,and the Miss Susie Highschool in full -on Christmas no-nos and costume isn’t fun nor funny. So find appropriate accessories, which still can all be worn while wearing J-brand Skinnies and a pair of amazing flats from Chloe (or at least look just as amazing).
If you are going to a tacky themed holiday party, wear something completely outrageous. Buy a tacky sweater, a Mrs. Clause dress, a big bow for your hair (not a pretty silver one but very colorful and trailer) and wear it with pride. Guidelines: Choose only one item. Also, when wearing a tacky sweater make sure it is fitted.
Wear it with cute skinny jeans or wide-leg jeans with flats that look like they just walked out of your InStyle from the page that says, “Must Haves.” If wearing a Mrs. Claus dress wear a nice clutch, a real leather belt and heels and stockings that don’t scream “Santa’s Ho.”
Safe bets this holiday: Red V-necks (which I will surely be sporting this weekend at one time, call me out on it if you recognize), green cable-knits, red and green striped shirts, yellow sweaters and yellow and blue combos for Channukah. You get the gist.
So kids, kind readers and all you other merry people out there, decorate with class, avoid the big multi-color bulb lights this year on your tree and play the Rudolph the reindeer drinking game with as much class and pizazz as possible.