January 31, 2008

The Bias Cut

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Dear readers:
Although I might not know you, or like what you wear, I think I missed you over break. I would like to take this chance to wish you a happy new year. I also hope you received plenty of presents this holiday break and will be doing a decent job of showing me up this year … although not enough to kill my ego, please?
After a week-and-a-half back on campus I can’t complain about that much. Wouldn’t it be excellent if everyone mysteriously got better clothing and accessories over break and a majority of the student body looked like they came out of Cashmere Mafia or Gossip Girl? Excellent, I know, but the real reason I probably can’t bitch and moan at you this week is because of the cold weather keeping me inside, shielding my sensitive eyes from your fashion mistakes.
I am glad to say that the few people I saw dancing on tables, or at the bar ordering yummy cocktails in those adorable plastic cups actually looked pretty cute!
Although I had begun getting used to the clothing students were rocking, this week I did receive a few miniature heart attacks, and not as a result of my social smoking. On one early-morning walk to campus this week, I caught sight of an unfortunate backpack that couldn’t fit more than a pencil or two in it. Needless to say, my headache from seeing the sun at such an early hour was not alleviated by this heartbreaking image. The size of this bag, although perplexing, wasn’t even the most pressing issue. The backpack was tie-dyed purple with some type of animal-head popping from the top flap. It looked like it was stolen from a four-year-old’s chest of dress-up clothes. Can we really do calculus, make marketing plans and not even have the common sense to play it safe and pick out even just a North Face or Prada backpack (the item that first taught us the difference between “like” and “love”)?
With that said, KISS (keep it simple, stupid) is still bolded in the book Fashion for Dummies. This book obviously wasn’t read by the girl walking around campus wearing Uggs with waves painted on them. I mean, as if you didn’t know how much I hate Uggs when used as an attempt at a fashion statement, you had to fuel the fire with that one? While on the topic of footwear, may I ask why someone was wearing flip-flops in Statler the other day? The person didn’t seem to have any bandages, and I was just wondering why else someone would wear flip-flops when it’s … umm … about 5 degrees outside. They are out of season in Ithaca (unless you are using your dorm/frat shower) until April at the earliest.
Side pop culture note: even Hayden is pulling the Ugg don’t in her efforts to save whales. When seeing these pictures I asked myself “Really?” I mean, doesn’t she have tons of free shoes or at least enough credit on her plastic to upgrade from our little Australian booties? (Pictures are on thesuperficial.com.)
Oh and Christmas is over, so that green thermal Christmas tree shirt with some rhinestones on it, floating around the Dairy Barn?
Please retire it until after next Halloween when the malls start playing Christmas music. You are probably thinking that this last sentence was a lame add-on. I wish you were right and that I could erase the memory of that image, which was spotted merely a few days ago. I do not joke.
So study hard, moisturize and keep warm! Remember, chapped is never in season.