February 7, 2008

the Bias Cut (2-7-08)

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First of all, how happy are you that I am not on strike?!
Ok — so this week for the first time ever, I watched an entire episode of American Idol. Want to know what was as bad as some of the painful performances? The sight of apparel and accessories covered in CCs, DBs, LVs or XOs. Yes, those designer bags — some expensive, some on the sale rack at Target — aren’t the way to put your best foot forward during your 15 minutes of fame. These products, which once upon a time weren’t quite so mainstream, look like they are fighting as each tries to top the last logo bag. I sometimes think that after that William Hung character made a name for himself, people have been signing up for a second part of the competition, one that can also lead to profits: “Biggest Tool On American Idol.”
Just like those contestants, I think a majority of the retail chains out there are just trying to outdo the classic Louis Vuitton Monogram (which has almost been ruined by this pathetic herd of competitors) to become the most flashy and outrageous.
Let’s start with the Louis Vuitton Logo and Monogrammed products. Those classic suitcases and trunks I personally like. Some of the bags (like the Speedy) are also classics that can be matched with almost anything. So what is ruining them and their beauty? Oh yeah, it’s the matching print sold on the belts, sneakers, loafers and pretty much anything the LVMH group can get their hands on. Following them is the Gucci group, putting their logo on sheets, candles, ice trays, and even dog pillows. If you think I am kidding, go to Gucci.com during your most boring class EVER and you’ll share my amusement/shock/dismay. The Gucci print has also been used, I like to hope without their approval, for track-suits and automobile interiors.
Now, recently the Coach bags have been looking better. The larger ones, perfect for school, are now one solid color with CCs in a complimentary color. A huge improvement since the patched CC bags — some patches with small CCs in a shiny gold and other patches with Big CCs in black (more of a headache than a fashion statement; I have empty excedrin bottles from just looking at them to prove it). But let us address the other products from the Coach line. Coach, which seems to be a very successfully retailer, is selling umbrellas and converses with large CCs on them, turning their customer into a walking billboard. Ouch. Looks like I have to stock up on everyone’s favorite caffeinated pain killer again…
Other guilty retailers are XO and Dooney & Bourke. Do we remember the white Dooney and Bourke bags with colored DBs everywhere? Aside from her unwillingness to hire a driver, signing up for that campaign was my biggest disappointment in LiLo. I mean really, why?? It still hurts. What also hurts, those XO bags. I mean I understand the mentality of flaunting a logo that might have some status attached to it along with stupidity (depending on how one flaunts it) but with a bag that isn’t even expensive or a logo that isn’t even worth the two lines it got in my article?! Sorry, but you might as well whip out a Canal Street Goachi as far as I am concerned.
A sad story to help you cope with some of the pain: There was once a time in my life, sophmore-junior years in highschool in fact, that I was a walking billboard for multiple designers. I admit, I sometimes looked like a rap-star’s car (but without the high price tag and amazing sound system). I often wore one of my many Burberry scarves, with this brown Gucci belt, and the Uggs all the way around like the bags (I know, I cringe to this day) and often pulled out a Louis Vuitton wallet, not the Epi leather but the monogram that can be a little much. But I’ve recovered, and am here to help everyone limit those mistakes to early teenage years only.
So listen, learn and try to be a little less obvious with those patterns and logos. Remember, my love cannot be bought! I’d love you more in a well-fitting, solid-colored H&M jacket than a wacky Burberry one in horrific colors!
Dress warm, Dress well! Xoxo