February 14, 2008

Bias Cut (2-14)

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Happy Valentine’s Day! For 24 hours, you have a free pass to wear some blatantly cheesy/borderline tacky red accessories or sweaters. You can even pull out that coffee mug with pink heart balloons on it. I will not stand in the way of the cheerful and festive as they celebrate this holiday.
But as of Friday morning, wash that thing and go back to pretending your mom accidentally packed it for you. If you even glanced over some of my thoughts around Halloween or Christmas, you will remember that even the most joyous holidays have very limited windows of time during which otherwise tacky outfits are deemed acceptable and unworthy of attack in next week’s Bias Cut article or accompanying photographs! So rock on with that pink fleece and don’t tell me I never cut you any slack!
On to more pressing and important topics, like “why is the sky blue?” or “why hasn’t Chanel made one of its classic bags in red over these last couple of years?” There is a new plague spreading itself on campus. The symptoms — bad fitting jeans and awful stonewash fades.
I’m not sure when this plague started, and I’m going to hang out in the Hotel School a little less from now on to avoid missing such things.
But however it began, it came to my attention right around the time I started taking electives outside of my home away from home, Statler. Maybe the rumor that Hotelies are better looking and better dressed is actually right on. Please attempt to prove me wrong, oh beloved Aggies!
The most important place to start is with the basics. In a cold college town, the most important staple you can focus on is the denim that covers your legs. Yes, your jeans. The ’80s were, in many respects, some of the greatest years in American history. Debbie Gibson, slap bracelets and a young Martin Ambrose are all things we can thank this glorious decade for. We were also taught through the experience of these years that excess and crazy color can be incredibly fun and should be appreciated. But like any piece of history, mistakes were made and we are meant to learn from them. Milli Vanilli, fanny packs, and acid or stone-washed jeans should immediately come to mind.
I don’t have the months it would take to get into why fanny packs are awful, but can we all agree that 80s jeans should for the most part be left behind? Okay, all jeans don’t have to be skin tight like mine, but fitted isn’t going to kill anyone. Some of these jeans I have seen on campus make me believe that when buying jeans, people think they have a little more in common with J Lo than they actually do.
Jeans that sag in the butt, are longer than average in length or have side room around your leg that might allow you to double in size, (especially important for girls) often make you look sloppy. Like many wise mothers have said to you already, “it looks like you went the bathroom in your pants.” Let’s also never forget the best advice one could get: dark clothes flatter the bod (buy darker denim!). So if you are feeling a little insecure about your figure, let me tell you, stonewashed baggy jeans aren’t going to help (neither is the large sweatshirt you paired with them).
So no matter how exciting designer jeans with elastic waist bands are, stop shopping at Mimi Maternity. Now get up, get your red on, and enjoy this valentines day!