Keep them coming to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thursdays in Daze.
Girl: Well it’s fine, just sleep with him.
Gay Guy: I would sleep with everyone in the world as long they’re not in my 8:40.
Sorority Girl 1: I gave up candy for lent. I’m buying Twizzlers. They’re not candy, right?
Sorority Girl 2: No.
Asian girl [on cell phone]: Can boys get AIDS?
Bitch 1: So can you, like, carry on with your life normally?
Bitch 2: What do you mean?
Bitch 1: I mean, like, can you have sex?
-Bathroom at Trillium
Weird Girl: Poop is cool.
Drunk sorority girl wearing a miniskirt [to friend]: OMG! I’m totally freezing!
Random Tall freshman male: I wonder why? … Welcome to Miami …
-North campus at midnight
Dude: When I need surgery, I need surgery.
Freshman: The class wouldn’t have been so bad if my buzz didn’t wear off half way through.
– Walking into Trillium
Drunk Girl (stealing someone’s drink): I didn’t just spit in it… it was more like boogers went in!
Girl: Someday I’ll have sexual jokes of my own.
Girl 1: What is your goal weight?
Girl 2: SEXY!
– Helen Newman Locker Room
Girl to drunk boy: Not everybody gets to fuck their babysitter!
Politically Keyed-in College Student: Who’s that other guy running for president … Mickabee??
Girl 1: You know what happened the last time we had a young president?
Guy: Yeah … he got shot!
Girl 2: I’m surprised some hasn’t shot Bush yet … you’d think at least Dick Cheney would take care of it!
Girl: That’s a small baby. You know, for college.
Sorority girl on the bus: My friend Nikki is having a baby. They’re having a Welcome-the-Baby kegger.
Cook [to girl waiting in line]: What can I get for you, sir?
Girl [looking around]: Oh I know he wasn’t talking to me.