Guy [on phone]: Dude, I’m single. I’ll pay for the wall.
Guy: It’s official, I’m in love with Colin Greening!
— Hockey Game
Guy Walking to Class #1: Dude, remember that time when I farted?
Guy Walking to Class #2: Yeah.
Guy Walking to Class #1: Well, I think I shat my pants.
Guy Walking to Class #2: Oh
— Outside Goldwin Smith
Guy: I’m so nervous … can’t you just do it already??!?!
Girl: Yeah, but you have to turn over!
— Mann Library
Girl: I’m not in a relationship until Facebook says I’m in a relationship.
Girl 1: So we were studying and then he started inching towards me.
Girl 2: Was he doing the caterpillar ass cheek sneak?
— The hall
Drunk girl: You guys have nothin’ to worry about… they’re gonna be like damn-they’re-hot, let’s hire ’em!
[Engineer 1 borrows a pencil.]
[Engineer 2 throws a hissy fit about not receiving his pencil back.]
Engineer 1: Jesus man, I took your pencil; it’s not like I took your virginity.
— Philips Computer Lounge
Girl looking at Facebook: What’s with people with good skin? … Ugh, I need to go read Freud.
— Cornell Co-op
Girl: I mean think about it, babies have no teeth. And they already suck on bottles and other stuff. They would be the BEST at sucking dick. It’s like a natura reflex for them.
Guy: Ok … now let’s rewind and pretend you never said that.
Girl [yelling]: “STOP … You whipped me last night!!!!!!”
Male Grad [to other Male grad]: You don’t wanna orgasm right as you’re getting penetrated…
— Outside Uris Library
White Guy to Asian Girl: … and next time I’ll bring the KY.
— Duffield Atrium
Girl #1: These last couple semesters I had to drop some classes, so I don’t think I’m gonna be a Sophomore in the fall. So, like, what would that make me?
Girl #2: I guess that’d make you, like, a … uh … Fresh-more.
Girl #1: That’s right! I’m more than a Freshman, I’m a Freshmore!
— Ag Quad
Girl: Is there such a thing as a herp? Not like, a whole bunch of many herpes, but just a single herp.
Boy [on phone]: … well either exorcize it or get a new phone!
— Balch Arch
Girl to her friend: What? Can’t a girl just be a slut sometimes?
— RPU Dining Hall