S ubmit to overheard@cornellsun.com. Thursdays in Daze.
Girl: ... And that’s really why I’m looking forward to Spring Break. Fuck going to North Carolina, fuck seeing my friends ... I just want to have sex.
— CTB
Sorority Girl #1: Uh! I just spent all afternoon pipetting dangerous chemicals.
Sorority Girl #2: What kind of chemicals?
Sorority Girl #1 [very serious]: I dunno, like hydro-sulfur something. It was like water, but like BAD water. It was so dangerous!
— Arts Quad
Guy #1: I have to go to an atonal music concert for my class.
Guy #2: Oh I HATE atonal music! It always sounds like Michael J. Fox is trying to give a cat an enema.
— Mandible Café
Female Student : So the session started off with “Everyone close your eyes and picture your grandparents or other elderly people having sex” and we all went “eewww.”
— Okenshields
Guy on Phone: ... She’s literally crazy, I’ve seen all the pills she takes ... Yea she’s dating other guys, but they’re not hooking up, I’m only the second guys she’s had sex with ... No we’re going to get back together, I’ve seen the light, I WANT TO GET MARRIED, I WON’T EVER HAVE TO WORK AGAIN ... wait, I take that back! I really do love her.
— Ag Quad
Girl: In books, is the opposite of an antagonist an agonist?
— Willard Straight Hall
Hipster #1: I can’t believe I haven’t gotten into Overheard yet.
Hipster #2: Well maybe no one has overheard you saying anything.
Hipster #1: What?!?! Every time I open my mouth I say something stupid!
— Cornell Plantations
Sorority Girl: I hate Dartmouth’s color. It’s, like, dark green, not, like, green.
— Cornell-Dartmouth BBall game
Guy: If I can get it up, tonight is going to be MONEY.
— Engineering Quad
Kid #1: Why don’t you just design golf courses if that makes you happy
Kid #2 [speaking loud enough for entire lab to hear]: I won’t make enough money doing that. I can’t do what makes me happy, my trust fund is not big enough.
— West Campus
Nasal Sorority Girl: Girls, I have an announcement to make [pause, clears throat] There are big ships and small ships, but the best ship of all is friendship...
Everyone Else: Awwwwwwwww ...
— Miyake
Good Looking Boy: Ah Liz, Thank god you picked up. This is going to sound crazy but I need you to trust me on this one. I need you to go back to 1996 and find [dramatic pause] me.
— Stats Class
[A crowd of 3rd graders on a field trip passes by]
Dude #1: How did they get in??
Dude #2 [very seriously, shaking his head]: Early decision.
— In front of Space Sciences Building
Overheard: Like Michael J. Fox Is Trying to Give a Cat an Enema
Reading time: about 2 minutes
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