March 16, 2008

Miley (and Mandy) Mania!

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Let me start out by saying that I like Miley Cyrus, a.k.a. Hannah Montana, as much as the next letter-toting sorority girl. But I absolutely despise her new Internet smash, The Miley & Mandy Show, which is bad enough to never go on YouTube again…Well, not really, but it’s pretty terrible. The website (YouTube) touts itself as a space for you to “broadcast yourself,” but freedom of expression aside, I find myself hoping and wishing and praying that there were some kind of screening process before letting these videos go online. Miley says it best when she describes the show as their “very pointless YouTube video.” The singer doesn’t lie. It’s pretty awful.
The Miley & Mandy Show is a series edited by Cyrus and her best friend, Mandy Jiroux. The show is predominantly filmed in Miley’s bedroom, a pedophile’s dream come true. The two act like your average teenage girls (on crack), lip-syncing the words to various girl anthems, which are interrupted by scenes of their antics. My personal favorite is when Mandy is putting in eye drops and states in Ben Stein’s voice, “My eyes are dry eyes…Use Clear Eyes…” But watching Mandy lubricate her contact lenses is just as uninteresting (and just as gross) as it is when anyone else does it. The fact that she is a millionaire’s friend doesn’t make it any more appealing.
There are plenty of illegitimate ways to get the fifteen minutes to which we’re all entitled, but I’d have to say that Mandy Jiroux’s attempt just might be the most pathetic. Who is this girl? And why should I care? We get it, you’re friends with Miley, you like to laugh and act stupid, but just because your best friend is famous does it mean that you, too, deserve your own YouTube channel? It’s weird enough watching Miley dance around in sunglasses at home, but it’s even weirder to watch a girl the public doesn’t know. And what happened to Leslie, who in Miley’s smash hit “See You Again,” says “Oh, she’s just being Miley” when Cyrus acts shy in front of a guy she has a crush on? Don’t think I’m not on to your inconsistencies, Miley.
There is even an episode entitled “The Most Pointless Episode in History,” which includes Cyrus and Jiroux staring at each other and trying not to laugh, while Cyrus counts them off. If I didn’t know better, and I’m really not sure that I do, I would think the girls had spent a good thirty minutes huffing paint thinner before filming this episode, especially because of the 60 seconds they spend pronouncing the word “jamba” in Jamba Juice. Miley even says it’s “more pointless-er than anything else with point.” I am truly enlightened.

In an unforgettable installment of the show called “Miley and Mandyless,” Cyrus paces around her backstage room at The Tonight Show, while Akon’s Lonely plays. God forbid Miley Cyrus, one of the biggest stars in young Hollywood, should be without her other half. Sure, she’s racking in millions from Hannah Montana and releasing hit singles, but who cares? MANDY is gone! I feel for you, Miley, I really do.

Let us not forget that Miley is an important role model for young viewers, a fact that has been made abundantly clear to her. Consequentially, she spouts canned messages like, “Make sure you ask your parents before going online!” in between gossip sessions with Mandy about “the guy who works at the juice bar.” But Miley and Mandy are also worldly. They know that their show is “so irrelevant to anything going on in the world, in America, and in Brazil or wherever it is you’re watching.” Mandy tries to chime in by adding “Germany, too!” but is shot down by celebrity “bff,” Miley, who retorts, “Ugh, it was better with just Brazil.” Forget Hillary! Forget McCain! I’m writing in Cyrus/Jiroux ’08!