Dearest, darlingest B.J.,
Now that I know that you somehow find out whenever you’ve been written about in college newspapers (perhaps you Google yourself? Maybe your mother does?), I thought it would be a good idea to write to you again.
I truly believe that Saturday night was quite the experience for us both. I know that I wrote you a ridiculously creepy love letter, I never expected that someone as amazing as yourself would actually care about little old me. Not only is it highly embarrassing that you read what appeared to be my heart and soul, poured across the Cornell Daily Sun under false pretenses, but it’s even more embarrassing that you called me up on stage to join you in a sold out Bailey Hall. I’m so sorry if I’ve misled you in any way through that letter. I never meant to hurt you. Promise.
So here I am, writing you a new love letter — A REAL love letter — to make up for any way my previous (bogus, I admit) one may have hurt or disappointed you. After seeing your hilarious performance on Saturday, you have completely swept me off my feet. When you grabbed my hand to help me on stage, I swear I felt sparks flying between us (did you feel them too? I really hope so). I may not have a copy of the Improper Bostonian next to my bed, but now I have something even more valuable to keep by my side: your signature. I’m going to treasure it for the rest of my life. (Really, I kiss it before I go to bed every night. So far, that’s only been a couple nights, but still.)
B.J., ever since your show, I’ve had the most amazing dreams of being your panda bear and cuddling with you all night long. I know that you might be hesitant about our age gap but its only nine years. That’s not so bad, right? I’m positive that it would work out between us — please don’t let a silly little number get in the way.
Do you think we could ever cross paths again? Oh goodness, I hope so. Rumor has it that you’ll be back in New York this summer to perform at Caroline’s. I know I wasn’t sitting front row like I told you I would be last time, but this time I’m really really going to try to be there, up front and center! Maybe we can hang out together in New York City? I’ll make it worth your while 😉
Call me, Stud.
Your biggest fan (for reals this time),