S ubmit to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thursdays in Daze.
Bill Nye Groupies: There he is! There he is! Omigod, he hasn’t aged a BIT! Omigod, look at his bow tie! I want to be ON HIM!
— Astronomy 102 class
Clean-Cut Girl [matter-of-factly]: I mean, she knows she’s a motherfucking shitfaced whore. I just reminded her.
— Thurston Ave. Bridge
Teammate A: Oh yeah, I was there for that!
Teammate B: It was in an e-mail. Everybody was there for that.
— Spring Break Bar
Guy: So this kid’s dad is so cool! He is from Nigeria and he, like, looks Nigerian!
— Spring Break Boardwalk
Enamored Girl: We hooked up for, like, 45 minutes … in Spanish!!!
— Spring Break Beach
Skinny-Dipping Frisbee Player: I run so fast when I’m naked. I should play naked!
— Spring Break Beach
First Guy: So I was having sex earlier and it just, like, went soft.
Second Guy: Aww man, I hate it when that happens, dude.
— Collegetown Bridge
Girl: What two cartoon characters would you want to see having sex?
Guy 1: The little teapot from Beauty and the Beast and the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
Girl: What about you?
Guy 2: Minnie Mouse.
Girl: No, not which cartoon character YOU want to have sex with. It’s which two characters you want to see having sex.
Girl [to another girl]: The Little Mermaid is a slut. She walks around on the beach like, completely naked with crabs.
— Outside MVR
Sorority Girl: He was amazing. I wanted to make his dick my Facebook religion!
— Donlon Lobby
First Dude: … That girl is hot!
Second Dude: Man, she has a fivehead, her forehead is so massive!
Engineer: A,B,C,D,E,F,G … N,O,P? Wait, no. There’s something in between. A,B,C,D,E,F,G? Wait what’s before M?
— Ho Plaza
Roommate 1: We thought you were dead, you weren’t moving.
Roommate 2: Well, you should have taken my pulse
Roommate 1: Yeah, but I didn’t want to call 9-1-1 … I just wanted to brush my teeth!
— Bailey Hall
Girl: Yeah, but that’s no reason to shave all your body hair …
Girl: What did you hear? That we were really nasty? That we were loud? I don’t care, I haven’t had sex in three weeks.
— Oak St.
Squash Player 1: I’m really lethargic today — all I want to do is get a blowjob; I can’t think about anything else.
Squash player 2: I know the feeling.
— Grumman Squash Courts