April 10, 2008

Overheard: I Have One on Now, Just in Case …

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Boy #1: Apparently all of the Ithaca College girls have syphilis.
Boy #2: Yea! As soon as I heard that I put a condom on. I have one on now, just in case …
— Dino’s

Girl 1: … Yea, but he’s kinda a man whore.
Girl 2: Yea. [Pause] I’ve slept with him.
Girl 1: Really? [Pause] Me too…
Girl 2: Twice.
— Delta Chi fraternity

Girl [to a friend with a very dark tan]: Ohmygod! What did you do? Have sex with the sun?!
— Ho Plaza

Guy #1: You kept telling everyone you wanted to have sex with her.
Guy #2: Of course I said that! I was drunk, I wanted to fuck everyone!
— Arts Quad

Guy: I was thinking about making this porno, right, where it’s all superheroes and it’s called X-men — except with a C, not an X … Get it?
— Temple of Zeus

Girl: “Cornell Grad Recognized for Contributions to Adult Film Industry.” That’s a headline you don’t see every day.
— Temple of Zeus

Angry Guy: Quit calling me, you fucking sluts! And quit asking for fucking money. You’re all fucking sluts. Hear that, Cornell Fund? Fucking sluts! And I’m not giving any of my money to fucking sluts!
Volunteer: You know, I’m going to go ahead and put you on the do-not-call list.
— Senior Campaign Phone-a-thon

Girl 1 [sticking hands down pants]: Oh my god, my butt itches!
Girl 2 [sticking hands down pants]: I know! Mine just started itching, too!

Sorority Girl 1 [as a door is closing on her]: Prop open the door with that weight.
Sorority Girl 2: Ok, sure.
Sorority Girl 1 [clearly distressed]: Be careful of my toes, you know I am already down one!!
— Frat Party

Guy: Cause of death … suffocated by love handles.

Single Engineering Guy: Cornell Engineering is the biggest sausagefest since the Last Supper.
— Becker Dining Hall

Girl’s Voice [from cell phone]: So we should go out and …
Nerd [playing Halo]: I have to go. The game’s starting and Halo is better than you.
— Donlon

Girl [on cell phone]: I don’t know, I thought maybe you were talking about FIFA. Or masturbation. I can never tell with you.
— Outside Olin

Sorority Girl #1: I just don’t understand how she can be so heavy!
Sorority Girl # 2: I know her mom is like so thin — she looks so good. I just don’t get it.
Sorority Girl # 1: Maybe weight is like only through the father’s side. Have you seen her dad?

Girl # 1 [to new acquaintance]: We like different Skittles. We should be friends!
— Entrance to Philips Hall

Engineer’s Girlfriend: What about grad school?
Engineer: If you go to a place without a lot of broadband, I’m not going with you.