April 17, 2008

Bias Cut (4-17-08)

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Though I might have been mad at you several times last week for not retiring those down jackets and Uggs, I am formally apologizing. I have heard all about the snow early Sunday morning (I definitely didn’t not see light until 2pm) and have felt the frost bite coming on since Monday, a direct result of my refusal to put away my flip flops or spring loafers (thankfully Spring appears to be here to stay now). Since, in the next two weeks, most of us Cornell students will be packed into the library, exhausted, on lots of red bull and/or too wasted as a result of senioritis, lets get to one of the most important days of the Cornell academic calendar, Slope Day.
Now freshmen, this is a day that you will most certainly give your old underage drinking memories a run for their money. If you weren’t aware, no one goes to class and, if they are forced to by that rare, god-awful teacher, a drink “to go” must certainly be packed with all the necessary academic materials. My suggestion to the Slope Day novices is that you pace yourself when downing that bottle of champagne alone in your dorm at 9 a.m. as you finalize and print out your organizational behavior extra credit paper (I SWEAR I DIDN’T DO EXACTLY THAT). Also, don’t spill an ounce on that sorority t-shirt (this is the one day it might be considered a fashion statement) and stay near a dinning hall. The dinning hall was a crucial factor that kept my young, naive freshmen self out of Gannett and returned me to a functioning state by 9 p.m. that very night, waiting to get turned away from Dino’s with an ID that said I was born in 1980 (No, really it did). So, since this is the last chance you’ll have to order stuff online before that wonderful Friday, May 2nd, or the last time you will read The Bias Cut before you sit in the Uris fish bowl and stare at a text book with the sun in your face, I owe it to you to suggest a few life and style tips to keep you from feeling like the worst life-decision-maker ever.
Sorority sisters: Just cross your heart and pray that the sisters designing your t-shirts don’t screw you over — it isn’t screw your sister date night; it’s slope day and these shirts , if designed improperly, will ruin the even best Slope Day pictures. (And how else are you going to know what happened? You certainly won’t remember.) Now, if you have access to the shirt, step one is to find articles of clothing that don’t clash. Although you might think I am leading into a discussion about how important the Greek t-shirt is, I’m not. It won’t help you stand out from the other individuals in your pact, but the shades, pants and purses are articles that can distinguish you and are of chief importance.
Whether you happen to be an edgy Lower Eastsider or American Apparel fashionista, I hope you will bring some color to those bottoms of your ensemble. Jeans are great, but everyone else will be wearing them too (also, no ripped jeans today). I recently saw some girl wearing skinny pants that were a royal blue and not made out of actual denim — how cool would that look if you had a sorority baby blue or pink t-shirt, great sunglasses and a red solo cup — not full of beer, but a 10 calorie Fuze and Grey Goose vodka? AMAZING. You wouldd certainly be a candidate for the cover of Martin Living even if I’m not your biggest fan.
If you are more the conservative type, lets contemplate white pants. It is before Memorial Day — you are right on that — but Slope Day is a Cornell holiday, so the rules of vacation are valid — just think fun in the sun. Also, bags shouldn’t be big. Little Balenciaga bags, Gucci fanny packs for the bold, Tory Burch chain shoulder bags, mini Longchamps, cute vintage bags and Marc Jacob purple clutches/wallets for those of you who never lose a belonging. Leave the mini Gap bags and XOXOs at home (hidden). Headbands and bracelets can also be fun on such a festive day, so either pile the small ones on or chose that one bold statement piece. Has anyone seen the new Prada leather bracelets? They’ve taken a hint or two from Hermes and it looks like its going to be a good season — try one of those, if you can get your hands on one.
So the competition for whom can make the biggest fool of themselves starts May 1, 10pm. Oh, and my NetID is mta24; any sorority that wants me to represent their sisterhood, send me an email — if the t-shirt is oh-so-fabulus, I’ll be pounding mimosas, wearing it and posing in pictures that will stick with me until my final days. May the best sorority win.
P.S. Fan mail only.