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Engineering Student: I would found an institution where no person can fucking use CoursEnroll.
— Hollister B14
Frat Boy #1: Why didn’t you invite me, asshole?
Frat Boy #2: I tried like eight times, you little slut.
— Outside of Hollister Hall
Engineer [ to friends]: I know a guy who will only take 150 Facebook friends … Yeah, whenever someone new friends him he has to de-friend someone else.
— Ho Plaza
[Tour group passes]
Girl: Look at all those losers. Like, just DO’’T come to Cornell.
Goth Guy: Yeah, and they’re all ugly too.
Girl: Geez, no more uglies!
Goth Guy: We have enough! We’re all FULL!
— Ho Plaza
Fraternity Tool: Who wants to wear a t-shirt with an old ass starving man on it?
That’s Gandhi … you idiot.
Male Engineer 1: What the hell smells?
Male Engineer 2: Like what?
Male Engineer 1: Like flowers.
Male Engineer 2: Oh. I just took a shower.
— Study Group
Pre-Frosh Girl: So Spring Break for me is next week but I’m having surgery.
Guy: I’m sorry to hear that, is everything going to be okay?
Pre-Frosh Girl: My parents promised me that if I got into Cornell they would pay for a nose job for me.
— North Campus
[Two girls about to make out]
Sorostitute 1: You look like a frog!
Sorostitute 2: Well you smell like beef!
Interrupting Boy: I can’t hear you, you’re too fat!
— Frat Party
Girl1: Sarah and I are, like, half sisters.
Girl 2: Wait, why?
Girl 1: Because we’ve slept with three of the same guys.
Girl 2: Yeah, but they’re all in the same frat; that doesn’t count!
— Outside the Palms
Freshman 1: I kind of want to go on one of those Cornell Days tours.
Freshman 2: I know! I still don’t know where Mann Library is!
Freshman 1: Me neither! Or Trillium, or the Cornell Store!
— Arts Quad
Really Drunk Guy: I. NEED. A daddy’s girl.
Really Drunk Girl: I love my daddy!
Really Drunk Guy: I’ll treat you like your daddy can’t!
— College Ave.
Girl [yelling]: Make sure you wake me up tomorrow before you leave!
Friend: OK, I’m leaving at like 8:45ish.
Girl: Make sure I’m up though. I need to get a haircut. Tell me that if I dont get up I’m going to have a mullet!
— Green Dragon
Awkward Guy: So, um, your, um, shirt, is pink.
Awkward Girl: Yeah, um, I have a hat.
Awkward Guy: You’re not wearing it.
Awkward Girl: Yeah, I have it at home.