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Girl: Hey, I would like a sandwich — but do you have wheat bread that is not bread?
— Trillium sandwich station
Kid: She’s like my sister from another mister.
— Arts Quad
Girl: What is up with this weekend!? Why can’t I just be ovulating and be alone?!
— Balch Hall
Guy: You know that saying, “Superman a Ho?” I want to start one called “Donkey Kong a Ho.”
Girl 1: Donkey Kong did love those bananas!
Girl 2: You know I didn’t think that could be dirty but I guess it is.
— Outside Morrison Hall after BioMI290
Black Girl 1: I remember when I first came here with my family, we looked at the map and saw “plantations” and my Dad said “maybe this isn’t such a good school for you …”
Black Girl 2: Yeah, I thought the same thing when I saw that.
— Near Balch
Crazy Guy [to himself]: The time is now 4 p.m.!
— Uris Library,
Engineer 1: I consumed 30,000 calories of beer last week. Can you imagine if bulimia wasn’t bad for you? It would be amazing!
Engineer 2: Imagine if doing a dude for a billion dollars wasn’t bad for you!
— Duffield Hall
Frat Boy 1: What day is it? Oh, it’s Wednesday. Technically Wednesday.
Frat Boy 2: Hump Day.
Frat Boy 1: We’ll call it that. We’ll call it, “I won’t be humping anybody” Day.
Frat Boy 2: The only thing I’ll be getting busy with is my reproduction textbook.
Bio Student 1: I hate camp.
Bio student 2: Wait, cyclic AMP? Cyclic AMP can go eff itself. Let’s invite it on a fishing trip. Cyclic AMP, you and I will go on a fishing trip and as soon as we get out in the water, you hit it in the back of the head with an oar. You hit it with the oar and I’ll get the shotgun. BAM BAM BAM! Then we tie cyclic AMP to an anchor and throw it over the edge and yell “Eff you, cyclic AMP!”
— Frat house by the suspension bridge
Professor: The standard entropy of liquid water is 69.9.
Student 1: Yeah 69!
Student 2: That’s why I like water so much.
— Cornell classroom
Engineer: If I could marry a product, it would be the iTouch … because it would touch me.
— Olin Hall
Guy [to random girl walking home]: I just broke up with my girlfriend. Can I come up and spoon?
— Edy Street
Freshman Boy [to freshman girl]: I got a hard-on when I put it in the mailbox.
— North Campus
Studious Girl [pointing into window]: That’s my TA; he’s grading our papers! He’s the kind of TA who would give me an A if I flashed him.
Boyfriend: Well, he’s right there, GO DO IT! It’s an A!
— Arts Quad
Slacker Chem Student 1: Oh no! I supercooled this stuff!
Slacker Chem Student 2: What’s that mean?
Slacker Chem Student 1: I don’t know, but it’s bad!
— Baker Laboratory