May 1, 2008

Corbolotti Twins Reveal Telepathic Powers

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Coming off an Ivy League-clinching victory over Brown, men’s lacrosse seniors Mike and Tom Corbolotti got a chance to try their telepathic twin communication skills on Sun Staff Writer Shannan Scarselletta. Scarselletta is still creeped out.

1. Thanks for coming guys. It’s been a while since we did a Sister Sister-style 10 Questions.
Mike and Tom [kind of together … weird]: Wait, we’re not your first? We thought we were the first threesome. This is so disappointing.
Well, you’re not the first ten questions threesome; that belongs to the Marks brothers. But we are the first with a girl involved. It used to be a whole lot of man.
Mike: Still, we were supposed to be the first.
Well, if it’s any consolation you’re my first tag-team.
Tom: Really? It’s our first threesome, too.
Somehow I doubt that. You guys are creepy close.
Mike: What? He’s my bro. We share DNA.
About that! So, say you guys meet two gorgeous identical twins. And say you made babies with them. Would your kids…
Tom: Yes. Our kids would have very similar DNA. But I don’t think the same because it’s all mixed up differently, right?
Regardless, you guys could totally swap for whatever kids you liked best. Also, I saw this one SVU episode…
Tom and Mike: With the one twin they made into a girl? God, Stabler’s a badass.
I love me some Benson. But wait, at the end of the episode, the identical twins committed the perfect murder.
Tom: Right. Our fingerprints are different, but if one of us killed someone without fingerprints, it’d be impossible to prove beyond a reasonable doubt which one did it.
Wow. You guys have thought about this a lot. Considering anyone in particular?
Tom: No, we use our twin powers for good, not evil.
[Thinking: Oh my god. Cool, it’s like Escape to Witch Mountain!]
Saying: Oh, right. Cool, man, cool.

2. So you guys are just coming off of an emotional comeback victory over Brown that secured your tie for first place in the Ivy League. That must have been a pretty emotional game. What sparked that comeback?
Tom: It was just how intense we played. And it didn’t just start that game; it was the week in practice leading up to it. We were coming off the loss to Princeton, so that made us really competitive. It was also our senior week, and our seniors really led the team well in practice.
Mike: Every day we played each other tough, and it just carried over into the game. We had been missing that spark in practice, and a whole week of hard-fought practices led to one really tough performance.
Do you think that will carry over to your game against Hobart? A lot is on the line in this game, right?
Mike: Yeah, it definitely is an important one. It’s a really important game to get us into the NCAA tournament. Plus, it’s our 130th game against Hobart, and actually their last game as a Division I program.
Wait, they’re downgrading? Is that allowed?
Tom: Yeah, I guess. All the other teams at Hobart are Division III, so I guess it makes sense. They’re a really tough team though, so it’s always a hard game when we play them. Plus, they’re probably all out for blood, considering it’s their last game as a division one team. They have something to prove. Plus, it’s their senior game. They’re going to bring a lot of intensity, and we have to match it.
It’s at Hobart, right? That’s not that far away. I’m feeling a fan bus coming on.
Mike: Yeah, that’d be great. You just have to convince a bus-load of people to miss Slope Day.
And miss the musical stylings of Gym Class Heroes and that other band? God, no. Once in a lifetime experience, unless you have $15 to spend to see them play in Geneva.
Mike: Seriously. How can we compete with them and that other band?

3. This past week was your 21 Run, right? Raising some money for charities, I can dig it. How did the 21 Run start?
Tom: As a lot of people know, George Boiardi was a player on the lacrosse team a few years back who got hit in the chest during a game and passed away. He was a senior, a captain and a great guy who was planning to join Teach for America. Since he died, Cornell lacrosse has held a race every year that helps promote literacy in the area.
Mike: This year, we had 300 runners and raised $5000 for Family Reading Partnership of Ithaca.
Truly cool. Did you guys know Boiardi?
Mike: Actually, we’re the first class who didn’t know him.
Tom: But Matt McMonagle ’07 and Mitch Belisle ’07 year made this video about him and what he stood for. It’s really inspiring, and I think it makes us remember that there are things more important than lacrosse.
That’s quite the legacy.
Mike: Well, our team is really close. Ridiculously close, actually. And I think a lot of it comes from what we’ve all learned from George. We all know how important and rare this experience is; it’s not just about winning.
I mean, it’s kinda about winning. Speaking of which, who won the race?
Tom: This student. Actually, he’s in our Buddhism class. Who knew, you know?
Mike: A lacrosse alum, Ethan Vedder, got third.
I like that, staying in shape after Cornell athletics is over. That takes stamina and dedication. Not for me. I’m going to be fat and happy after I graduate.
Mike [looking at Tom]: I’ll only get fat if he gets fat. I can’t get fat and have him stay fit, all the way across the country.
Tom [to Mike]: We’re not getting fat, I refuse.
Mike [to me]: I’m not getting fat.

4. What’s this “all the way across the country” nonsense about?
Mike: I took a job in New York.
Tom: And I’m staying in Cali.
Oh, no. I’ve only seen one of you without the other a couple times, and it’s made me pretty uncomfortable. You afraid of a little ghost limb syndrome?
Tom: Everyone keeps saying that! We’re going to be fine. I can function without him.
Oh, really. What’s the difference between the two of you.
Mike: Facial hair. Hair length.
I mean, what does one of you do that the other doesn’t do with him.
Mike: I think Tom’s a better golfer. And he listens to his iPod more on road trips.
I rest my case. Danny Nathan told me you guys were weird. I think his exact words were you, “prefer to go home with each other than with girls.”
Mike: We don’t have to comment on that. Let’s just say Danny Nathan was dying for 10 Questions.
Tom: Let’s just say Danny Nathan is sitting at home, so jealous right now. But Danny Nathan is not a twin.
Mike: And, according to [Drew] Webb’s theory, everyone likes you more if you’re a twin.
Yeah, I doubt I would like you if you weren’t. See? I don’t even know which one I’m addressing right now.
Tom: As long as you’re not one of those twins that doesn’t embrace the twinness.
Mike: Yeah, we hate those twins. The ones that want to be “individuals.”
Any other hates, while we’re on the subject?
Mike [without hesitation]: People who walk into the left side of a two-doored entrance. Hey, we’re in America. Obey the rules of the road.
Tom: I hate benches without backs. A lot. That’s an architectural flaw.

5. Okay, pick the movie that best describes your relationship: Twins, Double Teamed, A New York Minute, or Boondock Saints.
Mike: Boondock Saints, by default.
Tom: And because they’re badass.
Mike: Tom’s got this thing about being a badass. He has a self-proclaimed nickname “Riggins;” you know, the badass from Friday Night Lights?
Tom: It’s uncanny. He has long hair. I have long hair.
Mike: His number is 33. Tom’s number is 3. He’s a fullback. Tom was a fullback in high school.
Tom: He doesn’t go to class on Wednesdays. I don’t…
Lies. I’ve seen you there.
Tom: Dammit. Dad’s paying for school.
Mike [leans in to mic]: Love you, dad!
Tom: The least I can do is do the crossword in class and learn by osmosis.
How many classes have you guys skipped, total.
Mike: A couple…
Very badass.
Tom [somewhat unprovoked]: Besides, I should be a celebrity. Like a month ago, my mom asked me…
Mike [leans into mic]: Love you, Mom!
Tom: Mom asked what I wanted to be, and I was like “I’d make a great celebrity.” Who says that? I don’t know. But I did.
You just had an entire conversation with yourself.
Tom: I did? I did.
Mike: Besides, we’re not like the Boondock Saints, really. We’re more like…
Tom: Superbad. You know, two inseparable people getting sent to other sides of the country. People make fun of us for it.
Like Danny Nathan.
Mike: Danny Nathan is Fogel. And not the McLovin Fogel. I’m living in New York with him, and Tom keeps saying…
Tom: Dude, when are you going to tell him you’re not living with him?
So, which one of you went through a penis-drawing stage?
Tom [after staring at me blankly]: Well, Mike’s a better artist.

6. Let’s stick with Danny Nathan info. According to Mr. Nathan, you two have been spotted canoodling with the hockey team at their table in Trillium … basically every day.
Tom: Woah, since when did it become the hockey table?
Mike: Why can’t it be the Corbolotti table that the Hockey players flock to?
Tshhh … Whatever, Mike. Don’t act like I didn’t catch you trying to hold [senior co-captain] Ray Sawada’s hand.
Mike: What’s so wrong with that? He’s going pro!
Whatever, bandwagon groupie.
Mike: What? I’ve been there since freshman year. I’m in there for the long haul. I am in no way a bandwagon jumper.
You guys should all just snuggle up together with some popcorn and a nice romantic comedy.
Tom: As long as it’s How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days.
Mike: Come on, Shannan. That’s a pretty great movie.
I’ll give it to you, it’s actually pretty funny. But who’s more beautiful, Kate or Matt?
Mike: Impossible to choose. It’d be like choosing between peanut butter and jelly.
Actually, that’s pretty easy.
[At the same time:]
Tom: Peanut butter.
Mike: Jelly.
We just discovered the difference.
Tom: Well, also, I’m a better shooter, and Mike’s one of those guys who plays six inches bigger than he is.
Wait, are we talking about basketball?
Mike: Yeah. We play in our driveway at home. I have a pretty nasty hook into the grass.
I’d like to see this. I’d propose a two-on-two game, but I tower over you.
[Scuffling, a back to back measurement is being made. The verdict: Mike has a weird shaped head.]
You got me by a conehead bump!
Mike: It’s still part of my body. Bring it on, you can’t stop the pick-n-roll.
Tom: We’d also like to take this opportunity to challenge the [men’s] hockey [team’s freshmen twins Mike and Joe] Devin. Write that down.
Flirt on your own time.

7. Let’s talk about your ability to score. Both of you got your ball past the goalie for the first time last season. How was your first time? Was it everything you imagined?
Mike: It felt pretty amazing … it fulfilled all expectations.
Tom, your first goal came when you were pretty desperate, right?
Tom: Yeah, it was the game-winner against Harvard. But you know what? That made it feel even better.
What a rush. And Mike, you got lucky one more time.
Mike: Oh yeah, I scored when we were in the NCAA tournament. I scored on ESPN2.
So, was the second time better than the first?
Mike: Isn’t it always that way?
I wouldn’t know. Let’s change the subject.

8. I must admit, I’m pretty jealous of your twinship. I mean, you guys have the ultimate wingman. Has either of you taken one for the team? You know, ordered the fatty sidedish so that the other can have the hot main course?
Mike: Story of our first prom. But hey, we got asked to prom as juniors, so we were those guys.
How do girls choose between the two? Honestly, one of you is cute, but the other is a dog.
Tom: We don’t really know how girls choose. How would we know that? How would you choose?
Well, let me touch you’re hair, Tom. [Stroking.] Ew.
Tom: What? It’s still wet from my shower!
It’s still wet on my finger.
Tom: Oh, well then, those are my natural oils. I don’t shampoo that often. It makes my hair puff up.
[Mike leaves the table for a minute.]

9. So Tom, if you could have dinner with three people, living or dead, who would they be?
Tom: Oh God, this is hard. They have to be living?
Or dead.
Tom: Then J.K. Rowling, definitely. And Abraham Lincoln. And does Zeus count?
I guess.
[Mike returns]
Mike, three people, living or dead, to have dinner with: who would they be?
Mike: They have to be real?
Mike: JK Rowling.
Oh my god.
And Abraham Lincoln.
If you say Zeus right now, I don’t know. … I just can’t handle it.
Mike [looks at Tom]: Does Zeus count?
I’m officially creeped out.

10. Alright, here comes the big surprise. Hottest team at Cornell?
Mike: I don’t know, this takes thought. You got to think of your children here.
Tom: Breeding. We need good breeders.
Guys … this is just about …
Mike: I’m going to go with volleyball. They bring the height and spandex.
Tom: But women’s lacrosse brings the quickness and the distance running.
Mike: Compromise? Track. Little bit of spandex and height, little bit of quickness and distance.
Tom: Deal. Wait, can you just list every women’s athletic teams. It’s our senior year, we’re running out of time. We’re trying to get the word out there that we’re equal opportunity, here. We love Cornell women’s athletics teams.
Mike: Look, I’m just looking for some love and some fast twitch muscle.