The Bias Cut (5-1-2008)

Is it just me, or is Boyz II Men’s “End of the Road” simply impossible to get out of one’s head during weeks like these?! Well, either way, keep a kleenex handy, as, sadly, it’s just about time for our own dramatic farewell.
Last year, upon receiving an email asking me to write for The Cornell Daily Sun, my initial thought was, “That’s sweet, but probably not going to happen.” I’d heard great things about the paper, but couldn’t claim to be an avid reader. Now, reflecting upon the experience one year later, the supporting fans, angry blogs and occasional “LOL”s all add up to an overall very pleasant surprise.
I’d like to take a moment to recap some of the year’s dos and don’ts — as well as to check and make sure there are no lasting hurt feelings! In the midst of senior week, finals and unseasonably cold weather, I doubt that any of you are still hanging on to any bitterness over my attacks on Vera Bradley. However, if any grudges are felt, remember that I am operating with your best interests at heart! And, as a secondary reminder, life is too short to be so sober and angry!
Now, despite feeling like you’ve acquired very few material possessions over the course of the semester (let’s face it, your roommate was never big on driving you out to the mall), you still end up wondering how it is possible that it feels so much harder to get all of your stuff into the exact same car — which so easily transported all your stuff here to begin with?! If you’re trying to cram your desk lamp under your passenger seat in order to fit everything in, then hopefully this “don’t” recap will help serve to free up space in your trunk and keep those shipping boxes light and cheap.
If a pair of cargo pants pops out unexpectedly, toss ’em. Same goes for jeans and pants that have ripped at the bottom and have very obvious salt stains on the back. I’m all about starting conservation with a funny mishap story, but keeping such pants for the sake of being economical and practical isn’t doing anybody a favor.
The Uggs, or Ugg-lies, that you wore this winter season should also be on their way to retirement. Since they are tempting and easy, you might start wearing them again, but they are now a part of history and it is time to move on to smaller and better things.
Vera Bradley bags aren’t necessarily throw-away items — in fact, they might be a good gift for your little sister, who is around the age of 10. A Vera Bradley is the perfect home for junk, Barbies, lip smackers and keys to little sisters’ pink Hot Wheels. 20 years ago, when Vera started creating bags with subdued prints that our mothers used as diaper bags, they were great. But, as for our own use of the bags — it is time to kick them to the curb. Speaking of kicking things to the curb, you would be wise to send those knock-off bags back to the curb of Canal Street. Pack your used whiteboard instead; at least it has some unique sentimental value.
Speaking of sentimental, I would like to make a few thank yous. Thank you to those that have given me inspiration — awful and fabulous dressers alike. Without you strutting around campus in cargo pants or great riding boots, I would have nothing to talk about. Thank you to the one who has helped me with this article — after we spent too much time dancing on tables and gallivanting around Collegetown. Without you I would probably still be in bed and unable to recap all the good outfits that gave us so many memorable laughs.
If you are reading this before heading home, I can probably still be found at the Regent Lounge (if you want to share a quasi-genuine, champagne-soaked goodbye).
Special thanks to a few partners in crime who manage to stay sharp even while dancing on the tables at Johnny O’s. Without you, beloved friends, I might never have been bitchy enough to keep writing this column.