Overheard: I have an open leg … put a gymnast on it.

Dude 1: Saturday night is gonna be sick … everyone will be done with the LSATs and ready to party.
Dude 2: So all the Jews will be out?
— Engineering Quad
Potential murderer 1: I hate that girl.
P.M. 2: I’ll bring my chainsaw back after fall break.
P.M. 3: I’ll bring my butcher knife.
— Collegetown
(During a heated debate between engineers):
Engineer: The car didn’t just disappear and morph into a goat … has your probability changed?
— Engineering Quad
Guy at the gym: There’s no masculine way to do the stepper is there?
Girl Fitness Monitor (Pitifully): No.
—  Barton
Junior girl (accepting a lollipop): I’ll eat anything in Dum Dum form.
— Trillium
Ivy Room Diner: She can’t even google without getting confused.
— North Campus
Cornell Engineer: You know, deep down I just really want to be a bus driver. You have so much power!
— Collegetown
Frustrated guy: Ugh, why do Durex condoms have to suck so much?
Loud girl: Because they’re the ones that every organization on campus gives away for free.
Frustrated guy: But shouldn’t the free ones not make you feel like you’re putting on three inches of WAY too tight rubber? One-size-fits-all my ass. That’s a free way to convince guys to never wear a condom again.
Loud girl: Then just go buy some good ones.
Frustrated guy: Wish I would’ve thought of that before last night.
— Outside Trillium
Honest girl: I love it when people trip.
— Uris
(On the dance floor)
Frat boy: I have an open leg … put a gymnast on it.
— West Campus
Stressed premed: We need to live on West. There’s no where to kill yourself.
— Bethe Dining Hall
Jessica Stitt ’10, contributed to this Overheard.